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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years ago

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Finding Home

A/N: HIIIIIII IM BACK BOIS! Anyways this is a shorter chapter I didn’t wanna mess with outline so you get tiny chapter. sooo woot woot for like barely 2k words? But like the doc im writing this on is at like 19k and 29 pages i am in shock. trying to get back a consistent updating with this so uh yeah dont keep your hopes up tho- working on ch. 7 rn hope you enjoy! As always betaed by the glorious @bookwyrminspiration

words: 2208

tw: none

wattpad ao3

Chapter 6: These Secrets Stain Us Red

They had gotten off the bus at the last stop before Kull, stepping out into the cold air. Sophie glanced at the trees in the distance turning orange and yellow. Distantly, she remembered when she was younger this was her favorite season, how the leaves would fall and crunch at her feet, and how it was actually somewhat bearable to be outside. She smiled at the memory as she held Linh’s hand, walking quickly to the gas station, her stomach already grumbling.

“Linh?” a voice called from behind them as they stood in line. Linh swung around, trying to find the source of who called her, nearly startling Sophie into almost dropping her water. The mystery person stepped out from behind a small cluster of people with an overly energetic wave. “Linh! It is you!” he called.

Sophie watched as Linh’s eyes landed on the man and her whole expression shifted. As opposed to the man’s own happiness, Linh seemed to put a wall between her real emotions and the rest of the world, her face betraying nothing. “Hey, Sameul!” Linh said in pretend excitement; Sophie knew that her words carried an undertone of malice.

This Sameul was not the man Sophie had seen in the memories, but from Linh’s reaction, he seemed to probably be involved in whatever Linh was in.

“That’s me,” Sameul responded, clearly not getting Linh’s annoyance like Sophie was. “Geez, it’s been what, how many months since I last saw you?”

“Yeah it’s been a while,” Linh said, her shoulders rigid and her jaw set. Who the heck is this guy? she thought. Their name was called and Sameul followed them to go pick up their food. Sophie tried not to feel trapped with the way Linh’s eyes darted.

Sameul smiled ruefully, “Last time I saw you you had a little backpack and were running out the door in the middle of the night.” Linh took in a sharp breath and stuttering to a halt, her tray of food almost dropping. Sophie raised her eyebrows, more confused than ever. There was a beat then a sharp ring interrupted the weighted silence and Linh’s eyes widened with relief.

“Oh Sam, I’m sorry, that’s her sister calling. She’s really gotta take that. Why don’t you come with me?” Linh asked, more of a command than a suggestion. Reluctantly, Sophie pressed accept on her phone, ready to unleash the crazy whirlwind of shit that she had found out on one completely unprepared Amy. “What up checking in blame Tina she was worried,” Amy said, boredom concealing her concern.

“Uhuh sure Tina was worried,” Sophie chuckled. “Anyways, Linh is being super suspicious.”

Amy made a startled noise, “O-okay then so not well.”

Sophie nodded even though Amy couldn’t see her, “Yup, also uh side note, totally did not watch another one of her memories.” “Sophie! It’s like you’re trying to do it on purpose!”

“It was an accident I swear!”

“Mhm, yeah, definitely.”

Sophie grumbled, “Oh screw off. Anyway, I was in this bathroom and her knuckles were all bloody like she had punched something. And then this guy came in and said that she wasn’t allowed to be reckless anymore, but from what I saw it was like she was living with some other runaway people I guess?”

Amy was silent for a moment. “Well damn.”

“Yeah,” Sophie agreed. “You shoulda seen her when this guy recognized her while we were getting food; she got like scary tense and for a moment I thought she was gonna water power him.” “Water power him? Really? That’s what you’re calling it?” Amy said. Sophie could practically hear her raising her eyebrow. “At that point just call it water bending.”

“I refuse to call it that.”

“How dare you; you’ve disrespected our childhood.” Sophie laughed. “But seriously,” Amy continued, and she knew she wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next, “Soph, what happened to telling her about the memories? Instead, you just spied more.” “She’s the one with the sketchy past!”

“That you don’t have any right to!”

“She’s been weird and I need to figure out why. Once I do I’ll tell her everything.”

“No, you don’t need to figure it out yourself! You need to talk to her and she will tell you if she’s ready to.” “Don’t tell me what to do Amy. She lied to me. The first night we were together we talked about how we got here and she lied to me like it never happened.”

“This isn’t war Sophie. Just because you’re scared, just because she lied doesn’t mean you get to invade her privacy. She’s not the enemy Sophie, she’s your girlfriend.”

Sophie hung up and her phone buzzed twice more while she watched Linh walk back over to her. This wasn’t Amy’s problem, this wasn’t Amy’s life, so screw her for trying to tell her what to do. She had the abilities and she was sure as hell going to use them. “Sam left,” Linh said with a clearly fake smile. “Said he should probably get back on the bus and didn’t want to intrude.”

At that Sophie raised an eyebrow, she didn’t need to use her telepathy to know it was a lie.

Stepping on the bus felt like placing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She knew that man was something to Linh, or Linh was something to him; maybe he was what Linh was running from. She didn’t have regrets when she reached carefully out to Sameul’s mind and glanced at what he said to Linh. Maybe she should’ve regretted it, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She needed to know, when she had left the Lost Cities it was her way of saying “I will not be lied to even if it seems better that way”. So much had been kept from her and here she was, getting things from the source instead of waiting for someone to tell her.

The words, “You haven’t changed Linh,” rang in her ears as she pulled back, not letting any emotions show on her face as Linh followed behind her. Linh didn’t say anything so Sophie didn’t say anything and they settled into a tense silence as the bus around them buzzed with noise. Sophie tried to think of something to say as the words played on repeat in her head but Linh beat her to it.

“You never told me much about Mari, about what she means to you,” Linh said. Each word seemed rehearsed as if she had said it in her head a thousand times before speaking the words into existence. “I didn’t know you cared,” Sophie responded quickly before she could think it through.

“Tell me about Mari?” Linh asked softly.

Despite what Sophie was hiding from Linh and what Linh was hiding from her, she couldn’t stop herself from talking. The words may have meant nothing as she rambled on about her life there, only meant to be a distraction, but she let them spill from her lips without hesitation. She talked of Tommy, Angie, and Mari, of her weekly game nights, of the regulars at the diner. The people she had come to love yet when the time came she didn’t hesitate to leave ‘cause she was scared. Scared of the permanence of it, scared she’d lose herself in the dream of it. And how when she burned those bridges all she felt was a gaping hole in herself. As she talked she thought of the people she had left in the Lost Cities; how she burned it all like she had when she was young and reckless and angry burning her mark, the moonlark, into the ground desperate to prove something, desperate to mean something. But now she was afraid of that, tearing everything to shreds, burning it to ashes because she didn’t know how to mean something to someone. She thought of what Amy had said and briefly wondered if she would ever be able to just talk about something instead of treating everything as a mystery she was destined to solve. Eventually, her words lulled Linh to sleep and she let out a soft sigh of contentment as she laid her head on Sophie’s shoulder. Sophie glanced at Linh, only allowing herself a quick look at her girlfriend’s soft and relaxed face before staring out the window watching the gravel pass, not allowing herself time for her guilt and sadness to rise. She wasn’t allowed those feelings. With every fiber of herself Sophie dreaded and couldn’t wait for the moment they stepped off of the bus into Kull, the town with as weird of a name as people.

An hour later, as the sun started to fall behind the trees and the sky began to turn dark, that moment came and Sophie found her entire body filled with anxiety. They made their way to the front, Sophie in front of Linh, her hand stretched behind her holding Linh’s hand like a lifeline.

They were the only ones getting off and within seconds they were left standing on the dirt road, the bus was long gone. The air was cold, and the wind blew lightly, tossing around Sophie’s ponytail. Neither spoke to the other, standing in silence, staring at the buildings in front of them. It felt like they’d break a spell if they moved, if they talked, so Sophie didn’t. But Linh did (a spell didn’t need to last an eternity in her mind, just for the moment that it was intended for). Linh squeezed Sophie’s hand three times, dragging her out of her haze to stare at Linh confused.

“It’s a human thing,” Linh said sheepishly. Distantly Sophie remembered Amy teaching her, three squeezes, “I love you”. Four squeezes back and Sophie had said, “I love you too.” She didn’t have time to think if it was a lie because with that she started walking, entirely on autopilot, the familiar route to Mari’s house ingrained in her mind. It was after hours, so there’d be no point going to the diner. So she dragged Linh down main street, taking a left about halfway down, and then it was another block til she found herself outside the door on the white porch of the bright mobile home with her whole body buzzing. It was almost too much to be there; staring at it again it was like nothing had changed. But something had, because she didn’t have a key, and so she knocked with all of the impulsive courage she had left.

Three rapid knocks.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five seconds.

The door opened with a creak.

It wasn’t Mari.

There was a man, about her height, hair pulled in a bun and silver bangs over glasses. He was familiar, why was he familiar? Linh drew in a harsh breath of air and squeezed Sophie’s hand as tight as she could. That was when the puzzle pieces fell into place. That’s when it all made sense. The man standing in front of her was someone she hadn’t seen in two years other than in the memories she had unrightfully stolen from him. The man standing in front of her, still with his signature silver, was Tam Song.

Amy’s phone buzzed next to her, pulling her away from rereading her homework question for the eight time. Ever since Sophie’s call and her following silence Amy couldn’t focus; she tried to distract herself, and pulled herself away from texting Linh and telling her everything Sophie had told her. It’s not my place, she would think. It’s not part of the plan. Her phone unlocked and she slowly processed the photo and message. It was a picture of Sophie leaning her back against the gas station with her hand holding her phone to her ear. It was just like her co-conspirators to be that dramatic they had to send a photo too.

-Operation Collect the Dumbasses-

Braincell Holder: You know we heard that call. Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: I thought we said that I would start this conversation? No Thoughts Head Empty: Yeah well you took too long. Braincell Holder: Not the Point. The Mental Stability: And the Point? This felt too pointed, Amy thought. Way too pointed and directed at her. Her phone buzzed again. Braincell Holder: Having second thoughts? Only slightly, Amy thought, but no no this needed to happen. The Mental Stability: No Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: Thank the fucking ancients we can move on No Thoughts Head Empty: We’ve got a Phase 3 to begin

Phase 3, which they already had planned, would be the hardest to set up. Everything had to be just the right timing and just the right place.

Incoming call from Braincell Holder

Amy smiled as she accepted the call and long red hair popped into the frame. “Where is she?” Amy asked.

The redhead grinned, “She’ll be here in a minute, you know how Mrs. Sparkly Justice is; she’s got meetings but she said she’s got a friend who wants to help.”

Amy smiled, their little band of conspirators and their plan was working better than she could’ve imagined.

“So,” Amy said, “Where do we start?”

#appologies for italics i missed #tumblr was being shitty and i wasn't gonna do it all #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #amy foster #sophie foster #kotlc fic #kotlc fan fic #solinh #tam song #finding home #tater writes #kotlc sophie #kotlc amy #kotlc linh #kotlc tam

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whoknowsbud · 4 years ago

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Speeddemon storyline

Again, not much was actually written... the format of this one reads way more like a discussion at times, because that was how a lot of this was developed and... I don’t really wanna fix any more of this stuff.

Again, DO NOT TAG AS GIO/MIS!!

Pompeii:

Giorno snatches the keys right out of Fugo’s hand and jumps in the driver seat, "hurry up get in let’s go!!" So Fugo & Abbacchio are like 'ok... at least he treats things with urgency'

The trip is horrific, and Giorno almost drives right through the park. The 「MITM」 fight happens as it did in canon, with maybe a little dry heaving stumbling around from Fugo & Abbacchio.

Abbacchio realizes he can’t drive on the way back, he’s lost too much blood and a whole hand, And Fugo...

Fugo tries, he really does. He tries so hard to get Giorno to let him drive. But... well. He’s scary. He’s a literal demon in the car.

Abbacchio: "HE ALMOST KILLED US!"

Bruno: “Giorno? That's ridiculous.”

Fugo’s almost crying because he never thought he could meet a more dangerous driver than him, and that was terrifying, but he doesn’t say anything because he’s still shaking from everything that happened in... 2 hours?

They almost crashed into a few cars on the way, almost drove right into the ruins, Giorno infected himself on purpose, he almost crashed into a few more cars on the way back, etc.

To Florence (the train):

Van scene? They all get thrown onto each other like sardines.

BIG TIME THERES NOT EVEN A SECOND TO REALIZE IF SOMEONES TOUCHING TRISH, EVERYONES ON THE GROUND IN SECONDS

ABBACCHIOS SCREAMING BECAUSE GODAMNIT HIS HAND

BRUNO HAS BIG CONCERNS BECAUSE WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS SIDE OF THE BOY!?

Narancia’s probably having fun

GIORNO ACTUALLY PASSES WHERE THEY HAD TO GO AND NOBODY REALIZES IT FOR LIKE A WHOLE 3 MILES, BUT SUDDENLY THE VAN WHIPS THE FUCK AROUND AND ALMOST TIPS OVER, ALMOST CRASHING INTO SEVERAL OTHER CARS AND ZOOMS BACK

AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS SLOWING DOWN TO GIORNO, THOSE WORDS DONT EXIST

HE ONLY EVER SLAMS ON THE BRAKES

Bruno believes Fugo and Abbacchio now.

After Florence:

"Do you feel that, Coco Jumbo," Giorno laughs. He's speaking to the turtle, seemingly forgotten that everyone's inside, "this speed, the rush! Nothing can catch you! Nobody can reach me!" And that’s... odd. That’s not the kind of thing they’d expect to hear.

Not from him; someone who didn’t seem to care who was in his way, (probably) willing to run over anyone.

And when someone (let’s say Mista) gets out of the turtle to say something, Giorno panics. He’s freaking out, because nobody was supposed to be able to catch up, he was safe as long as he was moving, moving, moving, moving, but someone was here somebody caught up and-

"Dude, hey, hey, relax! I was just going to say, we should stop for some food! There's no enemy here!"

And he realizes he summoned [Gold Experience], and its strength was crushing the wheel in his hands, and the gas pedal creaked dangerously under his heel from the pressure he was putting on it. He loosens his grip and lifts his foot, breaths heavy with the echoes of his fear, "r-right, its... safe..."

And Mista’s staring, he knows that’s not right. But Giorno wasn’t ready, clearly - and Mista didn’t want to lose an arm because he pried too soon. But he didn't forget it, and found himself watching Giorno a lot more. Watching for signs of whatever the hell set him off, trying to see if there was something they could do. This was the new guy, the youngest of them as well as probably the strongest & most confident, but he seemed like he was almost in worse shape than they were when they joined

Giorno doesn’t notice, but the others do. It’s in the way Mista sits in the passenger seat with almost no hesitation, and how he stares so closely at Giorno when he’s driving. Well, they don’t really notice that, but Mista brings it up.

"Do you notice that Giorno looks... free?" Nobody knows what the hell that’s supposed to mean, except Bruno, who agrees but doesn’t expand on it.

"Do you think Giorno...," he starts at some other time, but stops himself.

Abbacchio fills in, "is a lunatic? Yes."

"No - I mean, he’s a little crazy, but I mean- do you think he-," Mista hesitates, and finishes quietly, "he’s running from something?"

That strikes a nerve.

Because they’ve all been running from something. The past, the future, themselves, or others – they’ve all been running.

Venezia:

Thanks to Ghiaccio and that chase on Liberty Bridge, Mista figures out exactly what made Giorno panic so badly

Whereas Mista just startled him before in that truck, Giorno knew there was nobody around on that bridge.

When Ghiaccio shows up, Giorno knows it’s because he caught up

He was only caught when he stopped before, he was always safe when he moved. For the first time in his life, someone caught up when he was running;

Because he’s not fast enough, and if one person can catch up then there are hundreds of others, and he can never be safe again.

Mista figures this out because Giorno’s saying it out loud; "I’m not fast enough", "they’ll catch me", etc.

And he realizes Giorno is running from everything.

He was probably even trying to run from them, emotionally.

Now I’m not sure what kind of speech Mista could/would give, but I imagine there’d be something there about... Not how running away doesn’t solve anything, that’s not what he needs. Something like...

"It’s easier to run away when the thing chasing you can only walk."

Or of course, "if you get rid of what’s chasing you, you don’t need to run."

So Giorno realizes there’s one thing he’s always done when he’s running that he hasn’t done now

Stop.

So he slams on the brake and summons [Gold Experience] to stop the car from up front. Ghiaccio was not prepared for this, and he slams right into the car, skidding across the icy top and sliding ahead on the bridge, probably for a good mile.

And now it’s time to run again.

[Gold Experience] hits the car from behind to get it moving while Giorno hits the gas, and Ghiaccio is definitely hit.

Mista’s stomach is in absolute knots, he feels it in his throat, but he cheers anyways because hell yea, and that light of freedom is back and Giorno’s laughing, when seconds ago he was approaching a near total breakdown

Of course Ghiaccio’s not done, but they bought time, time to get ahead and thaw the car, time to get several miles closer to the goal and a plan

Which is when Giorno drives the car into the canal.

(Not before making a pigeon and sending it ahead to steal the disc, as well as just filling the car with leafy plants)

So they kind of just... huddle down and wait. No way Ghiaccio would see the bubbles & ripples and think it wasn’t them, and Giorno was sure he’d freeze the water to be sure they’d drown. With the plants they’d have oxygen for a few hours, and the pigeon (having been made from one of Trish's hairpins, stolen of course) would return to the turtle with the disk in no time (he hoped), so they just had to wait.

Of course, this wouldn’t be Golden Wind if something didn’t go wrong. So there’s a splinter in the glass the two are worried about, and they watch with growing fear as it steadily stretches across the windshield, water streaming in, until the break is too big for the glass to stand.

This is where they don’t have time to think of alternatives, and they have to swim out asap. There’s no telling where Ghiaccio’s waiting, or really where they even are, so they just have to hope for the best and get to the surface

And the surface is, of course, frozen over. So they have to estimate where they are by light - or rather, by shadows, because their best chance of going unseen is to break out under the bridge.

Which... Ghiaccio’s smart, he’s figured that out too. But he doesn’t know their stands, so he’s waiting right above, waiting to hear the telltale smash.

But they don’t actually break through; it’d take too much energy, be too loud, and the rest of the ice would be too unstable. Giorno, Mista, and [Gold Experience] are just kind of... pushing against it

Eventually it starts splintering and cracks open, and they can get their heads out at least to breathe - at the same time Ghiaccio’s starting to rant about secrets, or girls, or... something, they aren’t really paying attention

They’re both getting ridiculously numb, but the ice seems like it won’t hold their weight, so they can’t get out of the water too quickly - they actually have to push their way through, cringing and holding their breath at every sound.

Giorno sees the pigeon on the rather distant statue and knows the disc must be inside - disappointed that it isn’t handled, but glad the pigeon blended in well enough that the statue was never investigated. But the trash was, it seemed, and whatever image Mista thought of made him grin.

It was enough of a distraction from the cold that they were able to drag themselves onto the bank, but the next problem was an even bigger obstacle. How could they get to Ghiaccio and take him out, or get to the disc and grab it, before being seen...?

Giorno considers the ice itself. He couldn’t make anything that'd actually help in this cold - the water they’d just escaped was already freezing over - but a distraction... And nothing was better to get an enemy's attention than to make them think they were making a break for it.

So Giorno makes 2 winter bass - big enough to make a lot of noise, but not so big that they’d be immediately caught - and drops them in the most fragile area of reforming ice, sending them on their way. Their backs bump the solid ice a few times as they go around, and Ghiaccio makes a noise like a squawk and jumps up, following what he believes are the two targets

They both get up. Giorno signals for Mista to stay down, but Mista grabs his arm, "hey, relax a little, let me. I need a success somewhere; you're hogging all the glory." He smiled, to show he’s kidding but intends to do this, and though he doesn’t get it, Giorno smiles back slightly.

Mista’s weird boots don’t have the slight heels Giorno's shoes do, so it really was for the best as he trudges his way to the statue. After a second, he grabs his gun and starts trying to chip the stone away, grabbing the pieces as they fall, and watching where Ghiaccio ran off.

Eventually, when he sees the corner of the case, he fumbles, nearly cursing aloud when the pieces of stone hit the ground with echoing clacks

He ends up panicking, yanking the disk out, and scrambled back to the bridge

And then they both realize they have no idea what to do next

Giorno gives the disk to Trish's hairclip pigeon and sends it off, but they still have a big threat to handle. Neither of them can tell how much of their shaking is from the cold, and how much is the anxiety

Giorno ends up grabbing Mista’s hand, hoping it would ground him, and Mista realizes just how scared Giorno actually is. How scared he probably always is, when they're not moving at insane speeds.

And he can't let that fear be any more justified.

"We'll get out of this," he whispers, "we'll get this guy, get back to our friends, and we'll be moving again, little buddy."

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juupajaa · 5 years ago

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1This is gonna be super long and I'm sorry but I gotta get this off my chest somehow and I would like your input. Also major trigger warnings!! I did a bad thing?? I know I shouldn't have but it's already been done. For context, my friend lives in a different state but we live close to state lines so we meet up pretty much every other weekend. She lives by herself because her parents kicked her out (they're homophobic) but my family loves her so she spends holidays with us.

2I've been in recovery for about 11 months now and she's been my rock the whole time. She stayed with me on the phone for hours when I was real bad, and she gave me plenty of space too. I don't really like it when people baby me, it makes me feel like a burden. When I told her about my ed she stayed the same she always had been so it was a relief to be around her. My family voiced their concerns and talked about recovery so much I felt cornered a lot and needed a break from it.

3She didn't treat me with kiddie gloves like others did and helped me by keeping things normal, and supporting me more quietly and I think that's something super helpful that people don't talk about much. I know it's important to talk to someone and actively pursue recovery but I really needed that sense of normalcy too.

4She spent another weekend here, but when she had a bath her phone rang and I searched her bag for it in case it was her work. The call ended before I got to it but checked the notifications anyway so I could tell her who called. That's all good, but I noticed a tumblr notification and checked it without thinking. My friend has an ed blog??? I was shocked but put it away so I wouldn't be caught snooping, that wasn't even my intention.

5When she left I just spent hours scrolling through her blog. I know I shouldn't have but the curiousity got the best of me. I wanted to know if she had posted about me at all, which she hadn't. I feel so bad for never thinking something was wrong. Her weight has yoyo'd the whole time we've known each other, but she's been normal weight for as long as I remember.

What fucked me up is that her blog is much older than my eating disorder, and I just had really disordered thoughts. I thought wow I'm a fraud, she's been in this for years, maybe I'm just pretending?? But then it got nasty. My mind went to things like, all this time and she's not even skinny yet? At least I became underweight and it didn't take long. She eats so much she can't have an ed. I thought about how she looks too but she's normal weight, her body is perfectly fine! but ed logic right?

I'm so conflicted. I can't even begin to imagine how she must have felt all that time supporting me? All the stupid disordered shit I said, and still do sometimes.God I'm recounting times I complained about calories even when she had just eaten. I must have made her body image worse too because I would criticize even healthy bodies when she was right there. I know my disorder is to blame but I feel horrible. A lot of those I would trash were smaller than her and I didn't even think twice.

I've obsessively tried piecing things together. A couple of years ago we walked downtown and she commented it smelled like sophomore year, vomit. The whole time I was in recovery she ate normally. It was easier for me to start eating again because others did, especially her because she never nagged about it like my family did. Does she prefer visiting because it's easier to pretend away from home??

When I stay over she doesn't really have food at her place?? Could be coincidence but we go grocery shopping whenever I visit. Maybe Fridays are just her grocery day. I never thought about it but now I'm worried. Does she not eat when she's alone? From her blog I know she restricts a lot, but when she's with me she eats normally. When I was at my worst I found satisfaction in it and compared our intake.I don't think she purges when she's here and that could explain why she's not losing weight.

(Last one) Please help me, I don't know what to do. I'm worried but I don't want to lose her. I know I betrayed her trust and all but I can't pretend like I don't know and let her suffer. And she's a sweet girl, and I feel like shit now. She never even talks about her family situation so I doubt she'd tell me about her ed, especially since I'm in recovery. When her family kicked her out she seemed so calm, but that shit hurts?? It breaks my heart, even more now knowing about her ed too.

🌻

Yeah there's a lot of complicated stuff here but I feel like the first thing I should say is that you're beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault. I don't see you having done anything terrible here🤔

You weren't snooping, it's a very different thing to actively go look up other people's phones than to accidentally see something you didn't mean to see. And as for looking up her blog, if it's a public blog, you could have found it even without knowing it was hers. That's just something that we all need to realize when we make blogs and such. Even if your blog feels like a private thing, it really isn't if you put it online wide open.

And all that nasty disordered behaviour you did in her presence? You were sick and didn't know better. I know it's hard to separate these two sometimes, I struggle with it a lot too, but trust me, you're not a bad person for things you have done by accident or out of ignorance. And all the nasty thoughts you had about her are very normal ed thoughts. They feel awful and they're so intrusive and nasty, but they spring from your ed and not from your heart. You clearly love your friend a lot and want all the best for her, and your ed is just trying to hurt you through her when it spams those thoughts into your head.

And as for your friend, she's no doubt feeling horrible as well. I bet she must have felt like a fraud herself, watching you go to recovery while no one even notices that she's sick too. And as you said, she's been sick a long time and "still not losing weight", I wouldn't be surprised if she has been beating herself up for that as well. I feel like she's probably waiting for someone to notice her too.

To be honest, it sounds to me like you two need to have a talk. A really long and open talk that involves you both probably crying and hopefully hugging at the end. These talks are not fun to have but they clear these things up like nothing else. If you don't know how to set up such a talk, I recommend you open it with a text message and make some opening statements like "I really wanna talk about this thing but I dont know how to bring it up so here's a text. I know you're not doing so well and I want to support you like you've supported me. Can we meet up at some point and talk about this and this and this?"

I've had a few of these talks and every time I've had them, I've felt like I'm about to throw up, I'm sweating, I'm about to cry, but it is so worth it to go through with it bc it can solve such a huge amount of the problems that are festering. And after it's over, the relationship is so much stronger and both parties have an easier time to breathe.

If you have a hard time knowing what to say to her, just think about what you would want to hear in her situation. What you would have wanted to hear and what would have helped you feel better? You two share the experience and you both know exactly what words and gestures hurt you, and you also know what heals, what feels nice and what is needed.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure your friend would rather keep you and be happy and honest with you, rather than to let your friendship be rotten away by secrets and shame and guilt. Talking things through is hard but so are most things that will help you. Medicine usually tastes gross but it will help.

Good luck with it, I'm sure you can figure this out, just be honest with yourself and what you want to do and be so so so brave Remember to also take care of yourself and that you're still healing yourself ❤❤❤

#answered

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pennyfynotes · 7 years ago

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8.2.18 // 4:30pm // school subjects and AP exams oh my

so i recently (ok not so recently i’m sorry super busy rn) got an ask from an anon about subject specific tips and ap exams. this is the masterpost i told you to look out for ;). there are no ap exams in college, but some of the stuff is still applicable. i did my best to be as comprehensive as possible and dump everything in one place. hope this is helpful! xoxo, m ps. guess where the actual tips are? if you said “under the cut” then you’re right bc i’m predicable af

tips by subject:

languages (i took spanish): 1. flashcards are your friend. i don’t care if they’re digital (would recommend quizlet or studyblue) or paper, but they help immensely with either vocab or things like remembering literature.

2. charts are also your friend. conjugations giving you a hard time? write out a chart of the different tenses and the conjugations for each subject. put down some of the irregulars too.

3. acronyms/pnemonics are also also your friend. a lot of these already exist, you just have to go find them. i’m pretty sure i still remember what “wedding” stands for for the spanish subjunctive.

4. it’s ok to start over. it’s easy to start a sentence based on what you’d say in english. you’re doing fine until *bam* you hit that word/phrase you really need but you have no clue how to say it. whether it’s an oral or written exam, take a few seconds to think about it and, if you can’t figure it out, just back track. restart the sentence and rework it. better to do that than to lose all your time thinking of one word you may or may not know.

5. skirt around things. if you can’t remember how to say fridge but you really need to say it for something, just say “machine that keeps food cold” or something. it might sound silly, but it gets the point across and removes the road block.

6. make a list. no, not a to do list. if there’s phrases you find yourself reaching for all the time, but you can never remember, make a list of them and their translations. it might be because its a phrase/part of a sentence structure you use a lot in your native language or whatever. make that list and drill just those few phrases into your head. it’s helpful

english/language arts: 1. proofread. i guarantee you’ll find a mistake, a sentence that makes no sense, or one that just sounds cringy. thank me later.

2. have a damn thesis. its ok if you just need to write and spit words/ideas out for a while to figure it out. but figure it out.

3. conclusion ~= introduction. for those of you who didn’t get the tilde, it means not. yes, they both tie your points to your thesis but they are not to same. do not just reword the same information in the conclusion. push your ideas just a little further. i usually like the push them a little bit outside the realm of what i talked about in my paper. for example, if i focused on the first 5 chapters of the book in the rest of my paper, i’ll expand the ideas to the rest of the book. or if i’m talking about female characters and focus on just one or two, i’ll use the conclusion to potentially connect it to another.

4. have favorites. pick a few fav transitions, sentence structures, and fancy vocab words. basically build a toolbox. this way you won’t have to think as hard when you want to “spice up” your work.

5. summaries only go so far. once you get to higher level english classes, there will be a lot of analysis of specific imagery, or wording, or dialogue. reading cliff notes is only going to give you the plot and none of this. if you don’t have time to read and you’ve been assigned a pretty standard english novel/play/whatever, take the time to look up some famous quotes or symbols. they’ll probably come up in discussion and this will help you look less unprepared.

6. have on question/comment ready. if your teacher/prof is into discussions and grades on participation, it’s handy to write down one (or a few) things. it’s easy to forget what you were going to say while you follow the discussion and it sucks to get docked points for not saying anything. even if it’s just a thoughtful question, jot it down.

history: 1. lol prob my weakest subject, just go see the apush (ap us history) section bc i don’t have much more for you than that.

science: 1. back to basics. i say it all the time, i’ll say it again. really understand basic concepts. they will come back. i’m serious.

2. pattern recognition. science problems are often times about recognizing patterns. once you identify the type of problem it is, even if you’ve never seen the exact one/something similar before, solving it becomes way easier.

3. make a recipe book. tied to the last one, but once you recognize a type of problem, you need steps to solve it. go through any practice problems you’re given to determine all the “types” of problems. once you’ve categorized them, make yourself a step-by-step guide on how to solve.

4. flashcards. you’ll have to know polyatomic ions or random biology facts. see languages tip #1 for more.

5. note your errors in lab. if you do something wrong, don’t just try to brush it under the table and forget about it. not that it’s a big deal, because its not, so don’t freak out. they’re just great opportunities to note sources of error. i mean obviously dont write in your lab report that you weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals, but something like “we may not have waited sufficient time for the product to dry” can explain why you got 800% yield.

6. have a toolkit. kinda like a recipe book, but just a collection of straight facts that come up often. knowing common molecular weights and chemical properties (is ammonia acidic or basic?) will make things go faster. like i said earlier, polyatomic ions are also great.

7. brush up on some simple arithmetic. similar to the tool kit, this will just make things go faster. being able to quickly add things and calculate easy percentages (ex: 30%) will make things like hw and exams go faster. i’m of the opinion it’s always good to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide w/o a calculator (on paper, not all in your head)

bonus: math #5 and #7

math: 1. see science #1

2. see science #2

3. see science #3

4. see science #4. see a pattern here? you might wonder why you need to flashcard math, but it’s good for learning equations or the names of certain techniques. if the prof asks you to solve something using X technique and you don’t know what that is, that’s gonna pose a problem. also good for the unit circle (don’t get me started)

5. figure out your speed. this is applicable to most everything, but i find it most relevant for math. is it better for you to speed through the whole exam and then do it all again/check it over 2x? or for you to take it slow so you know you got everything right the first time? personally i use the first approach, but i’m a fast taker and prefer to have time to process between repeating problems instead of staring at it forever once and never looking again.

6. science #7. a lot of teachers will expect you to be able to do this.

7. go over the material a couple times. also applicable to everything. i find it’s easier to remember things when i know that concepts are connected. you might have learned X 3 weeks before Y, but if you go back over, you might realize they’re closely related. this will help you if you’re not sure on a test because you can reason through things using the connections you’ve drawn

tips by ap course (obv look at the subject above bc i will be giving *really specific stuff* here that i’ve gathered from experience. they’re also ordered by when i took them, sorry it’s not super logical but i didn’t want to forget one)

general ap course/exam tips: 1. practice exams. you need to be familiar with what will/will not show up. you don’t always need to simulate and real testing situation, but i’d recommend doing at least 1-2 that way. also *know how many questions they’re are you so can pace yourself!!!!*

2. college board is pretty good about giving topic breakdowns. use those. go through and figure out what topics you’re solid on and which need more work. the above tip is to help decipher what the topics actually mean bc it can be confusing.

3. give the free response a quick flip through. do the ones you’re confident on first.

4. make sure you know the policies/what you can bring. don’t want to forget something. also once our test administrator tried to stop us 10 minutes early, but we were on top of our shit and all gave her a death glare bc we knew when we were supposed to finish.

ap chemistry: 1. polyatomic ions and molecular weights. know them

2. chapter/section reviews (in addition to class notes) and how-to guides. my teacher made us make them and let’s just say your girl did *really* well (and i’m damn proud of that one)

3. do a quick skim of the free response. applicable to most exams but, the year i took it, they’d just remade and re-curved the exam and put *way* too many free response. like no one finished them. if that’s still the case, make sure you do the one’s you’re confident on. also, i did not get to like 3 questions and still got a 5. they may have fixed this idk. (sorry this is redundant but i wanted to give this ap chem exam specific info)

ap environmental science: 1. there is a lot of damn information here. i would use chapter outlines and pick out key terms, policies, and events etc. treat this like a history class.

2. for the exam, use common sense. most of the time, the most environmentally friendly answer is the right one. if you just have a general gist of the course and its topics, but don’t know a lot of details, go with your intuition and you should be fine. i didn’t have a lot of time to study for this one and this method worked for me.

ap calc bc: 1. memorize standard derivatives. power rule, sin and cos, chain rule. that’s important.

2. similarly, memorize standard integrals.

3. don’t forget +c for indefinite integrals. just don’t.

4. similarly, if it’s definite, don’t forget to evaluate at the end! super easy thing to do, but also super easy way to lose points if you forget.

5. if the integral looks complicated, that probably means there’s a “trick” involved. u substitution, integration by parts, trig substitution. something like that.

6. memorize some standard series’, operations, and types (arithmetic, geometric etc)

7. if you’re looking at a word problem, understand what is dependent on your variable and what isn’t (in other words, what’s a constant). for example, if it says the water flows into the barrel at 50 mL/s and flows out at 1/5 times the volume, that translate to F = 50 - (1/5)V. don’t make things more complicated by trying to write everything in terms of V (in this example). also, your equation might just be a constant term or just a variable term doesn’t have to be both.

8. know what your derivative is with respect to/what it really means. aka if your problem is talking about flow and volume, how are they related to each other? flow is the change in volume *with respect to time*. so if i differentiate volume with respect to time, i get flow. if i integrate flow with respect to time, i get volume. this also helps you make sense of word problems.

*disclaimer*: it is been 5 years since i took this class and i have taken quite a few math classes after. i apologize if i introduce anything that is a little irrelevant.

ap spanish language: 1. flashcard. like seriously. there’s gonna be vocab involved.

2. understand what’s asked. for the persuasive email. *be persuasive*

3. toolkit. i mentioned this before but this was probably the most useful for this class. our teacher gave us a bunch of fancier words to use instead of causar (to cause) because that was a word we’d need a lot. the one that still sticks with me 4 years later is fomentar. have a few alternatives for these kinds of super common words, a good greeting and closing for your email, and a set of good transitions. *make sure you know how to use them properly*

4. write stuff down during listening. you can either answer questions during the first listen, then take notes the second to catch stuff you missed or vice versa.

5. it’s ok to backtrack in the speaking. don’t let yourself get stuck and just not say anything. it’ll freak you out for the rest of the exam and will rob you from showing off what you know. also take notes of things you want to mention based off cultural knowledge of the situation related to the dialogue.

6. don’t zone out. with everything going on and all the stress, it’s easy to zone out (esp during the conversation). don’t do it or you’ll have a hard time responding and freak yourself out (again)

7. don’t lose your place in the convo! they give you a sheet that shows you how many times the other “person” will talk. i lost track and said goodbye one segment early. it was bad ok. all these conversation tips are from personal experience.

ap statistics: 1. know the different kinds of tests inside and out. know the differences and the conditions. if you’ve got that, you’re like 75% the way there.

2. be familiar with sample vs population. it’s a bit confusing, but take the time to understand.

3. ok sorry i really don’t remember anything else. this exam really isn’t that difficult (in my opinion), you’ll be ok.

ap physics c: 1. free body diagrams. understand how to draw them *and draw them*. they will carry you through mechanics. draw gravitational force, normal if there’s a surface, and then any other given forces.

2. basic equations. you get an equation sheet, but knowing the equations means you know the concepts and the relations between them. big ones are f=ma and the equations relating position (x), velocity (v), and acceleration (a). also friction f=uN.

3. *normal isn’t always the opposite direction of gravity!!!!* gravity is straight down. normal is perpendicular to the surface.

4. vector components. please don’t just add vectors. break them down into components and then add or you are so fucked.

5. get familiar with triangles. this will help with the whole component thing.

6. kirchoffs rules are so helpful. know them.

7. understand the relations between voltage/potential and current in terms of the properties of circuit elements. that means the equations for resistors, capacitors, and inductors.

8. know how to add in parallel and series. it’s important. also! if the circuit is drawn “weird” a good way to know series vs parallel is that parallel elements share two nodes and that series circuits only share 1.

9. sorry i kinda blocked out E+M bc i didn’t know what i was doing (or so i thought). i still got a 4 tho so that curve is generous.

ap us history: 1. chapter outlines. pretty self explanatory.

2. make a timeline. put important events, sentiments, policies, and presidents. if you can associate these things together into time periods it will be easier. most of the time, any one question (esp long response or whatever they’re called) will only focus on 1 time period.

3. sentiments are important. if you know nothing else, know these bc they will help guide you through questions by reasoning even if you know nothing else.

4. gilder lehrman (or similar us history summaries). these are tailor specifically to apush bc they are organized by period (i think that’s what they were called?). i actually fell asleep listening to these bc i didn’t have time to study. they were mildly helpful, but every little bit helps right?

ap psychology: 1. chapter outlines/flashcards. this course is based heavily on key terms and less so on larger concepts.

2. ok sorry i took this online i remember literally nothing except how annoying my teacher was and that the exam was easy. if you know terminology i think you should do fine.

ap biology: 1. there is a lot. go through all the topics and make sure you’re solid. start with the big picture, then think about narrowing down.

2. know how charts work. things like pedigrees, punnet squares, and evolution trees (that’s def not the right term). some of the exam will just be interpretation of this.

3. i am so sorry i remember nothing else.

ap spanish literature: 1. flashcards. title, author, time period, short summary, key elements (a line, character, symbol). this is *so helpful*

2. think about the works in relation to each other. you might be asked to compare them. even if they ask you to compare something on the reading list with something new, you’ll be familiar with the points you might talk about.

3. know the lit terms. more flashcards. associate them with a particular work if you can/need to.

4. don’t freak on the listening. a lot of the recordings are old and shitty quality. take a deep breath and try your best. know that the rest of the test takers (excepting maybe natives) are experiencing the same thing.

5. use that tool box. see general spanish and ap spanish lang.

this is so freaking long and i think the moral of the story is that i blocked out my senior year ap exams. i hope this was helpful and, if you have more questions, or want more stuff like this, let me know!

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caps-clever-girl · 6 years ago

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thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

#thanos might have snapped first but now its my turn #endgame spoilers #marvel #avengers #thor #bruce banner #tony stark #squeak.txt #rant #avengers 4 #captain marvel #iron man

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fal-carrington · 6 years ago

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Love Will Tear Us Apart

Pairing: Victoria x Mc

Gender: Slightly Angst/heartbreaking filled with romance

A/N: Hi everybody, today I was inspired and I decided to write this. The idea popped into my mind as I was replaying the last chapter of RCD's book 2 when Victoria admits being in love with MC, and MC alternately rejects her, so Victoria says "Don’t say anything else please. If you get there... Amazing. If you don’t... I still think having you in my life has been for the best”

Prompt: Falling in love with your best friend and seeing her date someone else can be painful, especially when you do not admit your feelings to her for fear of losing her and being rejected. That was what Victoria thought, but that was before her agent called with an unexpected offer. When Victoria and Kat have to act as lovers in Thomas Hunt's new series, things can turn out to be disastrous, would Victoria finally admit the truth when she's about to kiss her best friend for the first time on a TV show? Somebody is going to get out of this with a broken heart?

"So what do you think Victoria? I mean, it's a great opportunity and you were saying a few years ago that you wanted to reinvent yourself. That may be the perfect moment." Rachel, her agent was looking at her waiting for a response from the diva. Victoria stared at the script with no expression on her face. She knew perfectly well that this was a great opportunity, many famous names in Hollywood would be in that show, Hunt was the director, that had everything to succeed and be a glorious, but what she did not expect was who would be her co-star. Kat.

"You know very well that I don’t do TV shows, Rachel." Victoria left the script on the coffee table, turning her eyes to her garden, feeling the cool wind hit her face. Her agent took a sip of coffee with an expression Victoria knew well. She would not take an no so easily.

"That role is perfect for you and you know it. I honestly do not know what the problem is in accepting." Rachel groaned again, waiting for a true answer from the diva. "Is this because of Katherine?" Rachel narrowed her eyes. Victoria sighed.

"She is my best friend. She has nothing to do with my refusal,” Victoria lied, swallowing dry, distractedly stirring her croissant on her plate.

"You're a great actress, but I know you're lying." Rachel pointed. "Are you still having that unprofessional tension on the set? I thought that had been solved in Tender Nothings."

"And it was! We get along really well, I love being around her, we talk about everything, we spend most of our time together. She's a good friend,” Victoria said feeling the words run down her throat like acid. Referring to the person she was in love with as a friend was perhaps as bad as being rejected by her.

Rachel stared at her for a few moments before taking her coffee.

"So it happened, huh? I was wondering how long it would take to happen," Rachel said casually.

"What are you talking about?"

"You and her. You fell in love with her. Who would say, honestly I'm not surprised at all. I do not know how the media has not yet realized this tension between you two"

"Oh, please." Victoria rolled her eyes.

"It's true, huh? Tell me how long you've noticed” Rachel leaned back in Victoria's summer chair and looked at her with a triumphant smile.

Victoria sighed. She knew she would not escape that conversation even if she tried. The best thing would be to open the game for her agent and stop denying it at once.

"Since she visited me in New York. Before the recordings of The Last Duchess begin,” She admitted. “... And she show up at The Godmother premiere.”

"And you never opened the game for her? Has nothing ever happened between you both?”

"No, never. And besides, she's dating Matt.” She sighed heavily, feeling the weight of those words. "Why would I say anything? I do not want to ruin our friendship. She clearly doesn’t feel the same and I dont even know if she’s into girls.”

“You never asked?”

“No!”

"So you're afraid of rejection."

"Oh, for god's sake. Enough talking about Katherine.” She rolled her eyes. But deep down inside, she knew that Rachel was right and with that came the memory of last night in her mind.

Victoria was coming down through her Pictagram feed, smiling gratefully at the thousands of likes that popped up in her newest photo. She liked a photo that Teja had excitedly posted from her new chair of director of the film she was directing, Victoria's eyes went down to the end of the screen immediately to the unexpected photo posted a few seconds ago. It had been posted 10 seconds and there were already a thousand likes.

"Night out with bae! Love you.”

Her eyes lingered on the photo for a few moments. Until her fingers went automatically and without her permission to give like in the photo.

It was a picture of Kat with Matt. Both were hugging and smiling, sitting in a booth couch at Vertigo's. Kat was as beautiful as ever, the flash had made a beautiful contrast in her blue eyes. Victoria swallowed hard looking at the photo of the new Hollywood couple. It had been a huge bang when they both took over the relationship, gave in all the magazines and newspapers. Both were in innumerable interviews and the cover of the magazines, she lost her account of the photoshoots they did together. Leland and Candy always demanded new interviews to see them again, just as the paparazzi pursued them in the streets. She wanted to hate Matt.

She wanted to hate him with all her strength, but she could not. Matt was a good person and a good boy, and he was certainly making Kat happy. He probably was a good boyfriend too, he was going in all the fashion shows that Kat participated as a model, she knew perfectly well that he was going, because she also went in all. He had been with her on all her travels, and had been with her almost all her tours, since she had decided to invest in the music career dropping her first album, making a huge success.

He was with the person she wanted to be, the person she had fallen in love with. Her girl, her best friend. But she understood or she tried at least, Matt was young. Both were, and it was undeniable that both could not take their eyes off each other during the entire Tender Nothings recording, Victoria would like to say that she was surprised when Kat came to tell her the news, but she was not.

"I'm not going to lie, it fucking hurts," Victoria murmured softly to herself. She had never told Kat what she felt, but what was the point of doing this? She would only be rejected. She remembered perfectly the tough beginning of their friendship, how she had been rude and cruel to Kat, until she truly knew the girl and realized she was a good person. End up liking her without even realizing what was happening, what was a rivalry became a friendship... And the friendship became love. She never expected to fall in love with her best friend. She'd known Kat for four years, and she had not expected to be so attached to her. She needed her and couldn’t imagine her life without her best friend. Maybe the universe has a sick sense of humor after all.

"... And It's kind of hard to put aside when we're going to have to play as lovers on this show!" Victoria said, running her hand through her blond hair in frustration.

"I know this complicates things."

"Just to say the least." She sighed.

"You have much to consider. Think about it and try to put this question about Katherine aside. I know you two are best friends, you're in love with her, but you're a complete professional actress. Certainly, I know you can leave your personal problems aside on the set.” Before she could said something else, her cell phone vibrated. "Oh, it's Pippa Majors, I have to pick it up. Think about what I told you and then call me, okay? " She stood up leaving a confused Victoria behind.

21h30pm

Victoria paced back and forth in her bedroom, with Rachel's words in her mind. She knew that accepting the role was a difficult choice, but it was probably the right thing to do.

California's hot air entered the room of the actress porch, causing the curtains to sway. She was too busy in her thoughts to realize that her cell phone was vibrating a few seconds ago.

"Oh, fuck," she said to herself and took him in her hands. She bit her own lips, cursing herself when she saw the name and the picture on the screen.

Kat. She watched for mere seconds to Kat’s dork photo and she answered.

"Katherine, what can I do for you?"

"Hey, you." Kat laughed on the other end of the line. "You're not busy right now, right? You can talk?"

"Sure. What's it?"

"So I was talking to Chazz this morning and Hunt came up with this incredible new series offering he's producing, so he mentioned that he offered it to you as well. So of course I got the script, and I was wondering if you already accepted it.”

"Well, I'm still thinking about. I'm not much of a type making series."

"Oh, come on Vic. It'll be great, you'll love it! "

"I'm not so sure about that."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing. It's just... It's not my style."

"It's never too late to change." Victoria sighed impatiently.

"I'm thinking about it, okay? I know this is a great opportunity, but I still do not know."

"I'll be there. Let's act together like we did in the past. Tender Nothing’s was great and you know it."

"Yeah... I'm aware of that."

"... And we can see each other everyday. It's been a long time since we've been out, I've been busy and so have you. I have not known what it's like to see you for months. This project will be great for us "

"I'm sure Matt fills my seat." Kat laughed.

"You are my best friend. Do not get me wrong, I love Matt, but he's not you." A smile grew on Victoria's lips at those words.

"Grow up, Kat." Victoria rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come on, do not be mean."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's good."

"Look, you're already agreeing."

"You're so biased." Victoria laughed and sighed. "Okay fine. I'll talk to my agent."

"Finally! Thank you, Vic."

"Do not thank me, I'll get paid for it." Kat laughed in response. "So ... Uh. Do you have plans for tomorrow? I'm free, and if you want to have coffee or something..." Victoria bit her lip anxiously.

"Sure thing. We can catch up. I have plenty things to tell you."

"Alright. See you tomorrow."

"See ya." She hung up and swallowed dry looking of her cell phone. Until her fingers automatically went up to her agent's name in her agenda and soon the phone was already dialing.

"Victoria?"

"Hey, Rach. I was thinking about the paper... And I decided to accept it."

"That’s great. What made you change your mind?"

"Kat did."

Saint Monica, Malibu 15h30pm

Victoria was staring at her coffee in her hands, watching people passing by, people looking over her shoulder and taking pictures of her with flash and the paparazzi doing a terrible job of hiding themselves at the tables. She rolled her eyes. As the cafeteria door opened and Kat emerged, a smile lit up her face involuntarily. She looked gorgeous in that white summer dress, her honey-colored hair loose and her blue eyes vibrant. She smiled back when she saw Victoria, walking to her table.

"Hey, Vic." She hugged her.

"Hey Kat," Victoria sighed, patting her back slightly.

"I feel like I have not seen you for decades! You've been so busy lately.” Kat laughed as she sat beside Victoria.

"Oh, shut up. It's you who's been traveling all the time,” Victoria said and Kat chuckled.

"I know, things are going crazy these days. But I'm so happy to see my best friend again." Kat touched Victoria's hand on the table, taking one look from Victoria to the pair of hands together. "I missed you."

"Yeah... Me too. So ... How's it going with Matt?" Victoria scratched her throat trying to distract herself from the scene.

“Like always. He's recording his new movie in London and I'm getting new work in mind now."

"Hunt's new series," Victoria concluded.

"I'm so excited about this. It will be wonderful, all the scenery that goes, the forbidden romance ... All the crime and the action scenes. And of course, I'm excited to see the guys, Chris, Holly, and I was told Pippa's going to be in the movie. Are you excited to see her?’” Kat took a sip of her coffee.

"Who?" Victoria frowned.

"Pippa." Kat shrugged.

"Why would I be?" Victoria looked at her blankly.

"I remembered the chemistry between the two of you that day at the party at her house. You seemed very interested."

"That was... Nothing." Victoria dismissed it with one hand.

"Oh... okay. Well, anyway, The fact that we're going to star together as lovers is awesome. I’m so excited, I mean, you're a great mentor and my best friend, I feel like we're going to do a great job."

"Oh, yeah." Victoria chose the words carefully. Watching the big dimpled smile on Kat's face. "Well, what can I say... Two hot women as a couple on a tv series? This series is already ours.”

“That’s the spirit!” Kat grinned.

“What can get wrong?" Victoria muttered to herself.

#choices you play #victoria x mc #victoria fontaine #red carpet diaries #rcd choices #matt rodriguez #thomas hunt #holly chang #chris winters #teja desai

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bnha-imagines-hcs · 6 years ago

Note

found your blog recently. going back, read your head canon that mirio only likes cute girls and made me sad :'( so, how would mirio react to overhearing an old female friend of his admitting to another friend of theirs that, while they have liked him for a long time, they dont even bother cause they know they arent traditionally cute or feminine and feel completely out of place, and are afraid of ruining their friendship?

( oh yikes anon lmao. )

| mirio; scenario.

well he’d wonder / worry / hurt over what sort of uncertainty she has that she’d feel ‘completely out of place’,,, presumably only bc he’s not romantically or sexually into her? if they are long-term friends, going way back, their friendship has. lasted. a while now.so what’s she got to feel out of place about? can’t be the friendship, cuz that’s apparently solid. he’s got his own life & issues, so if she was that bothered by the situation she shoulda spoke up.cuz like. communication is a thing, anon.

if she’s that messed up abt her self-image just bc she’s not his type, then she’s tying way too many things into this facet of being like liked. i mean wtf. that’s unhealthy. this doesn’t sound like a friendship mirio would have; she’d be inspired to get some therapy or common sense before long, around him. i don’t think he tangos w/ bad voojoo like that.solve your own issues pls & thank.

like why would his not wanting to fuck or smooch her matter. if he’s not into u like that, u get over it. u don’t attach matters of belonging & self-image to whether that popular friend u got that ur only ‘friends’ w/ cuz he’s popular, cuz that’s just. not how anything works. & u don’t suddenly not belong w/ an old friend or feel disjointed… just bc he doesn’t wanna fuck or smooch u. like… she should take a long hard look at what kinda weight she attributes to other ppl’s opinions/feelings for her, & wtf she’s using this boy for.

in the unlikely scenario this is a friend he’d have: cue mirio breaking his brain over this. & approaching her bc he,, does,,,, communicate. hm. like, this sort of indirect approach is super childish & misses the point entirely. can’t be very self-aware.

mirio’s so full of love for his peeps that u’d know u belong - unless u care more abt the romance part than the family part, i guess. mirio is so obvious in his affections that there’s no misunderstanding them.he’s not the kinda person to not pick up & polish the parts where ppl feel weak either, so a lack of cuteness or femininity would be embraced?? just not romantically. mirio’d be ,,, p damn worried abt that angle. she does KNOW it doesn’t,, matter whether ppl,,,, wanna date her,, right??like girl u aight??? u don’t sound aight.

afraid of ruining their friendship is sort of fair, cuz that’s always a wheeze moment. it wouldn’t - not on mirio’s end, at least. if you’re content to be his friend while harbouring other feels for him too, then you two are cool. she can make her own decisions.

if he sees it makes her miserable & she doesn’t sort her own problems out (bc no offence but those aren’t problems for a teenage boy w/ a lot on his own plate to handle, that’s her own responsibility get therapy or talk to ur parents) – he’ll cut things off. a) it makes him miserable to have a bond passively make his bondee unhappy & b) ur unhappy & this is bad for u & him both, & c) y’all acting like ur self-worth depends on his dating u & that is so fucked up lmaooo. like wtf why would you do that, fucking don’t.

losing a friend sucks… but they don’t sound very close if she’s that delusional - like i really can’t imagine mirio keeping such bad vibes in his inner circle. that shit threatens to enter emotional blackmail territory.

shit happens. maybe they’d grow back together after she heals some. maybe not. either way that’s a learning moment – not a quasi-romantic turning point of ‘no, i always loved u & my preferences don’t matter!’.

anon ur fishing. & u fished in the wrong gd pond go find smn else to cater to ur delusions of inferiority. write that fanfic urself lmfao.

#drama for ts #negativity for ts #mirio #Mirio Togata #togata mirio #bnha mirio #mha mirio #bnh mirio #bnha togata #mha togata #bnh togata #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnh imagines #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnh headcanons #like can y'all not. sheesh u'd think i'm ur personal pissing pole for w/e dumbass thingu try to cure w/ fictional bfs.#i'm a real person & you're responsible for ur own tiny lil feelings. in case u didn't know that already; now u do.

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angstalottle · 7 years ago

Text

Voltron Pre-School

Sorry for the late birthday gift @foxyjoy-art

Part 1:

Ever since the summer began to end Keith dreaded one thing, and that was sending his little brother Shiro off to his first day of school.

After an accident that killed their parents two years ago, Keith had become Shiro's guardian and decided it would be best if he held off on sending the toddler to mainstream school just yet.

It wasn't that Keith didn't think Shiro couldn'tselect handle the work, after all he can read and write just fine, the problem however was that the accident had taken his arm along with their parents and Keith was hesitant to place him into a room of screaming toddlers that may latch onto his disability and tease him for it.

However Shiro was almost five and social services were breathing down Keith's neck, he knew he had to get Shiro into school as soon as he could or risk losing him forever.

This didn't stop him though from taking his time to pick the best possible school.

After a many a sleepless night Keef finally settles on a special needs school for disabled children, even if it was just for a year it would be a good way to slowly introduce Shiro into school life hopefully in a more gentle and understanding environment.

In the end Keith still needed his roomate Lotor to actually make the call for Shiro to have a taster day.

“It will be fine.” Lotor sighed as he leaned against the doorway of his room bouncing the half asleep Shiro on his hip. As a lounge singer that worked nights he rarely emerged from his bed until well past midday, today however he was fully dressed in casual jeans and shirt with his long white hair hanging over one shoulder in a neat plait.

“Hes sensitive though… maybe this was a bad idea?” Keith was nothing short of full panic mode. His hair stuck out in every direction and his attempt at dressing somewhat presentable with a white button down and red tie was ruined by the wrinkles at the bottom created by wringing the material nervously.

“It's not, now shut up, brush your hair, i'll be in the car.” Lotor rolled his eyes leaning down to grab Shiro’s backpack containing nothing more then some paper, crayons and his lion plushie affectionately named Black after the ribbon tied messily around her neck.

Keith watched as Lotor left their small two bedroom house and wondered what he did to deserve such a great roommate who could put things simply enough that even he had no choice but to listen to them.

Keith took an long slow breath as he looked in the mirror and smoothes his hair down. “It will be ok, he will be ok.” He muttered to himself.

He preferred to avoid mirrors since the accident, gaining a long scar across his face and neck wasn't the reason however. It was because he looked so painfully like his mom that it made his heart ache to see her eyes staring back at him.

“Dont worry mom… dad…. I'll look after him.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Pulling up to the small preschool made Keith uneasy, he wanted nothing more then to tell Lotor to take them home where shiro was safe from all the children wandering the playground contained behind brightly coloured fences that barely came up to Keith's thigh.

“Out.” Lotor commanded leaning over and opening the door for Keith making the message clear.

Keith shot Lotor one last desperate look before he freed Shiro from the child seat and placed him down out of the car.

No sooner had the doors closed did Lotor speed off, even with the knowledge that he would be back in twenty minutes to pick Keith up, it still seemed like he was making a run for it.

“Keef?” Shiro pulled on his brothers sleeve.

“Y-yeah buddy?” He asked kneeling down as to be eye level.

“Where are we?”

Keith sighed, this was the moment he had been dreading. The moment where he would have to explain that Keith would be leaving him here for the day, everyday from now on.

“That is school, we’re here to see if you like it or not.” Keith tried his best to smile but judging from Shiro’s less than thrilled expression he hadn't quite managed it.

“Mr Kogane?”

Keith was thankful of the distraction “yeah that's me” he stood up and extended his hand to a tanned woman that could almost pass for the female version of his roomate.

“Pleasure to finally meet you, I'm Allura i run the school.” She shook his hand before offering it to Shiro who promptly hid behind Keith's legs.

“Sorry” Keith placed a hand on Shiro’s head “He’s shy.”

“It's quite alright, my son won't say a word around strangers but soon as he warms up to someone the trick is getting him to shut up.” She chuckled as she gestured for the two to follow.

Shiro looked up at Keith as if asking not to, Keith wished he could grant that request. Instead he had no choice but to take his little hand in his and follow Allura into the school.

“So we cater to a variety of disabilities here with facilities designed to accommodate them. We have a sensory room, a soft play area, a physio center and a top of the range class room.” Allura pointed out each of the locations as they walked through the brightly coloured halls.

Childrens artwork covered the walls and a small handrail about toddler height lined the hall on both sides.

“Shiro only really has his amputation and being behind a couple years to be honest.” Keith admitted as he peaked inside a room to see a group of children lying on the floor watching as colourful lights were projected onto the ceiling above them.

“Ah yes Lotor mentioned it on the phone, i've placed him in the physical disability class for those a couple years younger than him, but we can adjust that later on if he needs to be moved up or down.” Allura answered easily.

This place almost seemed too good to be true, a top of the range school that could really help Shiro, there had to be some kind of catch.

“About tuition. I don't think i can afford this place.” Keith admitted watching sadly as shiro peered around almost excited.

“There is no tuition.” Allura replied as a small girl came running out of a classroom holding a crudely drawn picture of a robot. Bright green hearing aids poked out through her hair. Allura smiled as he took the picture “thank you Pidge this is loverly.”

The girl squealed happily before running back into her class.

“What do you mean there's no tuition… A place this fell funded must be-”

Allura held up her hand “My father was the founder of the Voltron corporation and when he died he left me a very large inheritance. I spent most of my teen years wasting it on parties and travel. Then when i was twenty i was pregnant. My little boy changed my life and made me realise i wanted to help people. At first i planned on just opening a homeless shelter. But there was a fire and… i couldn't save my sons sight but i can make sure he has every opportunity to an education that an able child has.” Allura stopped in front of a blue doorway.

“Just because my son was born into money doesn't mean he deserves help while children without won't get any. There are no costs because i see no need to hoard money that could never be spent if i had a hundred lifetimes.”

Keith couldn't believe it. This woman was a literal angel on Earth. “I… i don't know what to say.”

“Why not goodbye? This is the classroom.” Allura jerked her head towards the door.

A weight seemed to settle in the pit of Keiths stomach as he realised it was time to leave his little brother all alone in a strange place with strange people.

Allura as if sensing his panic took Shiro’s empty hand and gently pulled him away from Keith.

“Hey Shiro, i heard you like lions right?”

Shiro nodded placing his thumb in his mouth after pulling his hand free from Allura.

“Well i know another little boy that loves them.” She slowly opened the door revealing a small playroom with six children all running around and playing while one boy with tanned skin and a blue shirt was sat in a corner surrounded by lion plushies.

“Whys he alone?” Shiro asked quietly.

“Well the other children don't really know how to play with him because he can't see.” Allura explained softly.

Shiro frowned as if he were solving a complex math problem “Then they should just talk to him!” Shiro declared with a nod.

Allura smiled as she shot a look up at Keith “well why don't you?”

Keith expected Shiro to refuse and come running to hide behind his big brother. However he again nodded and practically ran towards the other child.

“Works every time.” Allura grinned as he rose to her full height and placed her hands on her hips “Your little brother is a natural hero. He sees a problem and he fixes it, no better problem then a lonely child.”

“How do you know the other kid will be nice to him or even want to be his friend?” Keith asked nervously wondering if he could run past her.

“Because Mr Kogane that's my son Lance and you will be pressed to find a more gentle and loving child then him.

---------------------------------------------------

Shiro ignored the greetings from the other children as he plopped down on the cushions in front of Lance.

“Hey im Shiro i'm five.”

Lance lifted his head in the direction of the voice and smiled “Im Lance i'm four next month” he declared proudly as he felt around him eventually finding a small blue plushie and hugging it close to his chest.

“The nice lady said you can't see so im gonna talk to you so you don't feel lonely!” Shiro grinned scooting closer.

“I'm not lonely…” Lance spoke in a small voice rubbing his cheek against the soft fur of his toy. “do you want to play lions? This is Blue.”

Shiro nodded pulling black from his bag and began to describe every little detail of her to Lance with the biggest smile on his face.

As Keith watched from the doorway he smiled. He couldn't remember the last time Shiro had looked so carefree, like a child and not a patient.

“Shall i prepare the enrollment paperwork?” Allura asked.

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat “y-yeah… i think he will be very happy here.

#langst #shiro angst #keith angst #blind lance #baby shiro #baby lance #kid lance #kid fic

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homestuckexamination · 7 years ago

Text

The End of Homestuck: Rapture

Alright then, as I’ve mentioned, I wanted to debate a few points I’ve heard about the Ending, consider it a sort of bonus celebrating over 2000 Posts and 1000 Followers!

But before I say anything, let me preface this by saying: This is not trying to make you like the Ending, rather it’s trying to make you realize why you dislike the Ending. There’s very valid criticisms to the Ending and the Story as a whole and you can just dislike the direction it took- But what I want is debunk a few things the Fandom seems to have really clung to that I think are extremely hollow and just, outright false at times.

So let’s begin, shall we?

The Retcon created a Timeline where everyone’s struggles had been solved, and the characters in it were vastly different from how they used to be.

This one is sincerely one of my biggest Pet Peeves, and I’ve talked about it partially before. A general consensus is that the Retconned Timeline solved every single key problem the Characters on the Meteor had, destroyed Character Development shown for those Characters, and thus, created versions of themselves that were vastly different. Vriska planted herself as a Miracle Solved and everyone lived Happily Ever After.

Except this really is not the case, at all. Vriska’s presence was ultimately extremely useful to disable Jade without killing her. For everyone else, no problems are fixed, and the conception that they do is, I feel, a heavy misunderstanding of what the characters actually struggle with. Let’s go one by one.

Rose and Alcoholism

This is a major one because we see Vriska literally smack a glass right off of Rose’s hand and slam it. Many people don’t even know why Vriska would do something like that, but they just straight up assume this deterred Rose from getting drunk, and instantly fixed every problem she ever had. This is an awful misreading of where Rose’s true problems lie.

“ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother.

ROSE: I sort of ran with it too? ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least. ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her. ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had.“

“ROSE: This almost makes it official. ROSE: I have no comprehensible path. There's nothing to overcome, no lesson to learn, no cathartic light at the end of this preposterous tunnel. ROSE: Not for me, at least! ROSE: I seriously have the DUMBEST arc anyone could conceivably imagine.“

“ROSE: I think my quest was fundamentally bound to the nature of this land, which was customized to the profile, needs, and potential for growth of a thirteen year-old girl. ROSE: But I'm not that person anymore. ROSE: What if I ROSE: What if I just ROSE: Didn't bother doing it? ROSE: Like, ever? ROSE: Would anyone notice my dereliction? ROSE: Would the powers that be strike me down where I loaf? ROSE: What if I just said fuck it?“

“DAVE: she sees this quest all neatly laid out for her wrapped in a bow DAVE: fuck it even looks like its made for little kids with like pink turtles and rainbows and shit DAVE: like here you go princess its babys first quest DAVE: almost like it was designed to piss her off DAVE: sburb says here, self improvement delineated and made comprehensible enjoy your cookie cutter odyssey DAVE: so because shes rose she goes no fuck my quest DAVE: literally starts wrecking shit DAVE: and maybe that itself was always her quest“

Rose’s problems aren’t with Alcoholism. They’re with her regret over her Mother, what she has Done up until this point, and her Purpose to the overall story she finds herself in. Alcohol is a way for her to ‘connect’ with her deceased mother, to prepare herself to meet Roxy, and at the same time, to take a weight off her shoulders, to not have to Think about what she’s supposed to do. She’s stressed, anxious and has severe doubts about her Self. Vriska just wanted a functional Seer for the Upcoming Battle, but this underlying unease that’s what drove her to Alcoholism in the first place is not gone.

Terezi and Gamzee

Post-Retcon, Terezi never gets together with Gamzee. Vriska keeps her in check as her Moirail, Gamzee is tied up and suppressed, she never falls for his abuse, nor does she unblind herself. However if you think this solves Terezi’s problems in the slightest I don’t know what to tell you, really.

“GC: 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 1S WRONG W1TH M3 GC: TH4T 1 C4N'T JUST S4Y STUFF L1K3 TH4T, D1R3CTLY TO P3OPL3 GC: TH3Y C3RT41NLY DON'T 4PP34R TO H4V3 TH4T PROBL3M

GC: 1 W4S JUST P1SS3D 4BOUT YOUR 4TT1TUD3 OF C3RT41NTY GC: 4ND 4NGRY 4T MYS3LF FOR NOT H4V1NG 1T GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S SOM3TH1NG 1 N33D3D 1N MY L1F3 GC: 3V3N 1F 1T C4M3 FROM SOM3ON3 3LS3

GC: 1 N3V3R F3LT WHOL3 GC: 1 ST1LL DON'T GC: 4ND YOU M4D3 1T SO 1 D1DN'T H4V3 TO F4C3 TH4T F33L1NG GC: FOR 4 WH1L3 4T L34ST GC: 4ND NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW TH1S 4BOUT MYS3LF GC: 1 TH1NK 1 G3T 1T GC: TH3 F33L1NG W1LL PROB4BLY N3V3R GO 4W4Y GC: ONLY COV3R3D UP 4T MOST, M4YB3 GC: W3 COULD W1N TH1S F1GHT GC: CR34T3 4NOTH3R UN1V3RS3 GC: SUCC33D 1N 3V3RY W4Y POSS1BL3 GC: 4ND 1'LL ST1LL F33L 1NCOMPL3T3“

“TEREZI: OH PL34S3 TEREZI: WH4T COULD YOU POSS1BLY N33D M3 FOR?

TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W1LL B3 V3RY US3FUL

TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 MUCH TO OFF3R 3V3N ON MY B3ST D4Y”

Just like Rose’s issues, Terezi’s run deeper than just her getting together with Gamzee and ‘fixing’ her blindness. It’s a deep insecurity about herself, which exists there both Pre and Post Retcon, and being with Vriska is but a Temporary Fix. She needs to experience what Game Over Terezi did in order to even bring herself to join the final fight, and even after that, she still goes to track after Vriska, after everything is done.

Karkat, Relationships, Leadership.

So, Dave and Karkat get together in the Post Retcon Timeline, so there’s no Relationship Drama with Terezi, and Vriska takes over the Meteor’s leadership, leaving Karkat to chill. This seems uncharacteristic of him, even, except that, of course, he doesn’t just give up to his role as a Leader.

“KARKAT: WOW! HAHA, HA, HAHAHAHA! ME LEADER?? TOO FUNNY! KARKAT: I AM ENTIRELY AND SINGULARLY BAFFLED THAT IT COULD STILL EVEN *OCCUR* TO ANYONE TO ENTERTAIN THE NOTION THAT I MIGHT STILL BE PLAYING *ANY* ROLE EVEN WITHIN SNIFFING ORBIT OF A LEADERSHIP POSITION OF THIS RIDICULOUS PARTY. KARKAT: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I DID *ANYTHING* OF A LEADER-LIKE NATURE, WITHOUT BEING TRUMPED BY VRISKA'S MACHIAVELLIAN LIMELIGHT GLUTTONY? KARKAT: OR FOR THAT MATTER, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THERE WAS ACTUALLY ANYTHING LEADERY *TO* DO, THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE SNUGGLING UP ON THE COUCH TO WATCH "GOOD LUCK CHUCK" FOR THE FIVE HUNDREDTH TIME?! KARKAT: I HAVE SERIOUSLY JUST BEEN ASSUMING HER COMPLETE TAKEOVER OF ALL LEADERSHIP DUTIES WAS SOME FAIT ACCOMPLI SHIT FOR THREE SOLID YEARS, AND HAVE SINCE BEEN ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET OF ZERO RESPONSIBILITIES, WHICH IS WHY QUITE FRANKLY, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN, AND NOW RESEMBLE THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF PEACE AND FUCKING TRANQUILITY WHICH PRESENTLY BASKS BEFORE YOU IN A STATE OF FROTHING, EUPHORIA-HOBBLED TURDVANA!!!!!!!!“

He’s extremely obviously bitter about being left out of the loop, and hurt about not being the Leader anymore. He jumps at the opportunity to go beat Lord English up without a second thought, and leads the initial charge, which doesn’t end exactly well for him. Echidna does, however, imply that Karkat will have an important part in actually leading the new Troll Civilization. Karkat is not the best leader when it comes to a War-like battle scenario- But if his conversation with Terezi after finding her Unblinded is anything to go by, he’s a great Emotional Leader. Even Pre-Retcon where all the Problems Happened and there was Terezi Drama, he provided support to her and got along with Dave, even if it took a little while. Being cast from his position as a Leader Frustrates him heavily, and digs deeper into the Doubt he displayed after he started having the realization that the Cancer was his fault. He’s frustrated, more impulsive than before, and even though he has Dave to back him up, it’s still tough.

Dave. Just. Dave.

Honestly, there’s not much of a difference between Game Over and Post Retcon Dave, is there? He’s dating Karkat, sure, but there’s not much else. If anything, the major difference comes later on, with the Dogfight vs the Jackfight. We learn from his talk with Dirk about his hatred for Bro, his dislike for fighting, the sound of metal, the sight of blood. His hatred of Heroism because of him, and it ties well to him not wanting to use his Time Powers or Fight Jade- Training him to become stronger, Grimbark Jade basically wanted to do the same to him as Bro had been doing since he was born. But he does grab his weapon- When he knows he can bring Jade back, if he just snatches her away from the Dogs. This leads to his Death. On the other hand, though, when he fights the Jacks, he has managed to actually have a Heart-to-Heart with Dirk, and vent about everything that’s been tormenting him. This fight, too, ends with him breaking the Unbreakable Katana and Decapitating Dirk, before warping him away from the fight so he could be put back together by Jane afterwards. There’s a Catharsis for Dave, but as he tells Dirk, it’ll probably just keep building back up for a few years before needing a feels jam again. He got enough of a resolution, but his problems weren’t gone, and even if they were gone, they’re not gone by the nature of the Retcon, rather, by the nature of Meeting Dirk, which he was actively prevented from doing so in the Game Over Timeline. This is a development we also see on-screen, so there can’t be much of a complaint about it, right?

Kanaya

Without Rose Drunk and with Gamzee restrained, Kanaya’s focus post-Retcon returns to the Matriorb and rebuilding Troll Civilization. This is a tricky one, because you could say that Vriska did help Kanaya with this, and it is true that, by proxy, Kanaya didn’t have to do as much in the Meteor. But, these aren’t her Problems, rather they are things she helped with, and furthermore the presence of Vriska in general poses a problem for Kanaya. Still bitter about her old Red Crush on her, and with her being Meddlesome and butting in on her and Rose, she expresses explicit distaste when talking to her. Vriska is just up in everyone’s business and being a nuisance more than she’s an actual help. As for the Matriorb, well, with the issues leading up to Game Over they didn’t even have the possibility to focus on Troll Repopulation, so it’s a thing that’s brought up exclusively in the Post-Retcon Timeline. This is solved effortlessly, which actually brings new thoughts and issues to the table!

“KANAYA: So Instead Of All That KANAYA: Its Just KANAYA: Handed To Me KANAYA: Like A Nice Present ROXY: yes KANAYA: I Dont Know What To Say KANAYA: This Changes So Much KANAYA: About Everything I Thought I Had To Do”

Kanaya suddenly isn’t as sure about fighting, with the responsibility she suddenly has- Yet Roxy encourages her to go take down Condy. This is paralleled by Davepeta telling Jade to just do what she wants to do! But more on this later.

Vriska vs (Vriska)

The hottest topic of the Retcon. Vriska’s Character Development is absolutely ruined by her being brought back, and you know what? I do agree with this! But that’s the thing though- I think this is good? Like. A lot of people complain about Vriska coming back and fixing everyone’s problems and being glorified, but as I’ve just displayed up above, Vriska is anything but Glorified. She’s forced everyone to do what she wants without actually solving any problem, she’s pushy, she’s cocky, and then we have a literal confrontation between her and (Vriska)...

“VRISKA: 8e quiet. I'm talking. VRISKA: Look at you. VRISKA: Just looooooook at you. VRISKA: How completely pathetic. (VRISKA): What? (VRISKA): What's your pro8lem?! VRISKA: My pro8lem is you make me fucking sick. “

“(VRISKA): I'm not a loser though! (VRISKA): I LIKE who I've 8ecome. (VRISKA): I actually feel happy and good a8out my life for the first time in... may8e forever?? (VRISKA): Like, ACTUALLY good a8out my life in a way that feels real, instead of forced. Don't you realize that's what it was like for us? VRISKA: You don't have a life! VRISKA: You're DEAD, remem8er?”

The Vriska vs (Vriska) interaction is one of my favorite parts of the entire Webcomic, because we have the Cocky Vriska that never actually developed positively, facing the Vriska that actually did have personal growth. Furthermore, neither the Plan to fight in the Session goes as she planned, nor does she gather the Army, or even lead it for most of the part, and ultimately her contribution to the Final Fight is to literally open the Juju Chest. She Steals the Spotlight, and the only ones to actually glorify this are the people in the Fandom. Everyone else within the story actually suffers more than they are actively helped by Vriska’s Actions, and that is what makes me absolutely love her leading towards the Ending. She’s the Savior Figure that comes back from the Dead to fix everything stereotype, except she actually barely fixes anything, and is an actively toxic force for most of the characters. Meanwhile (Vriska), after Aranea leaves them, actually does introspection about what she’d been doing and positively changes, culminating with a reunion with GO! Terezi. That is the culmination of Vriska’s Character Arc, Terezi Remem8er, and Vriska going for Lord English is ultimately detrimental for her Character. You can dislike that Vriska’s character ended up like that, but that’s the thing, saying that’s a bad part of the story is subjective, because it’s the obvious intention of the story to display this duality between Vriska and (Vriska)!

Not only that, but all I’ve said about these characters, about Pre vs Post Retcon, is entirely taken from canon statements by the Characters, straight up saying their problems in one way or another, and by the way their actions shape the stories. Both Pre and Post Scratch display the effects of the Characters’ deeper issues in different situations, how they cope with them and how they work towards solving them. You know why they all seem to fix their issues more Post-Retcon than Pre-Retcon? Because they don’t Die. It’s not that they’re even that differently developed, they simply get further. Rose was already talking to Kanaya about her issues before Game Over, Terezi was working towards fixing things and ultimately led to John’s Retcon Quest, they had different issues, stemming from the same main struggles, and that did not change at all.

I’d like to close this section with a quote by Hussie on Character Writing.

“I think writing in voice is pretty simple. It's mostly about consistency. Choosing a set of parameters and committing to them absolutely. [...] The advantage in being so obstinate with the profile you choose is then any deviation you make will be very noticeable. This is to your advantage, if you can control these deviations with purpose and precision."

And honestly? Dave still feels like Dave. Rose still feels like Rose. Terezi still feels like Terezi. The deviation from their core character is minor, and these deviations are, in turn, explored and talked about with their interactions, putting some context to what they’re doing and what they’re striving for. Honestly, I feel a lot of the issues with Game Over and the Post-Retcon Timeline come from the fact they were the... Post-Gigapause Updates, and a lot of people just forgot a lot of stuff. But let’s move on, this first section has gone on for WAY TOO LONG.

Act 7 wasn’t a satisfying conclusion to the story. Plot Threads and Character Arcs were dropped entirely, and everything was left incredibly ambiguous.

Let’s start this by pointing something out: Act 7 wasn’t actually the End of Homestuck. One of the reasons Act 7 might feel bad is the fact that a lot of things aren’t solved. And that’s alright, because Act 7 isn’t the Ending of the Characters’ Stories, nor is it the end of everything that happens. Act 7 is the culmination of Calliope’s purpose, the Finale brought to Lord English’ Alpha Timeline, and the Ending of the SBURB Session the Kids have played. Hell- The Credits, without even going to the Post-Canon Snapchat Updates, shows us that there’s still obviously more going on. Terezi is still looking for Vriska, Aradia, Sollux and Davepeta are missing too, John is depressed because he has nothing to do, Caliborn is being an asshole through Snapchat occasionally.

The thing is that a lot of Plot Threads weren’t actually solved in Act 7, rather they were solved before Act 7, sometimes even extremely unceremoniously, like with Caliborn’s Masterpiece. And most important events in Homestuck? We’ve actually seen how they begin, and how they end. There’s ambiguity in the way you go from point A to point B, as well as some Timeline Weirdness with some things, again, like Caliborn’s Masterpiece.

Additionally, a few things about the Final Battle, the fate of Vriska and Lord English and Paradox Space, have been left ambiguous, and this is not unintentional. You may dislike ambiguous endings, and that’s honestly, perfectly okay? The ambiguity, or the ‘anticlimax’, you can dislike it, but the spite held against the Ending is, mostly, subjective tastes?

This however, doesn’t even touch one of the most important things about the Ending, and that is, that we don’t have the Epilogue yet. We’ve been left with nearly the whole picture, nearly the whole Puzzle of Homestuck, laid out before our eyes, and there are still some pieces missing that could come from the Epilogue! But even without it, I do believe we have enough pieces to put most of the picture together, enough that the rest of holes becomes sort of, obvious, or easy to interpret in different ways? The Epilogue could offer closure to the things we don’t know about, but what I’ve seen around, mostly, is that instead of trying to give closure to these open questions about the story, people have rather resorted to getting angry at the whole of the comic! This is, really, the aggravating attitude that’s made me make this post in the first place trying to debunk some of the more popular Ending Criticism. If you have any specific ‘We don’t know how this happened!’ question, feel free to send me an Ask and we can talk about it! In fact, let me answer to one of those Asks right now.

“What happened to LE?” Unless the Epilogue does pull a switcheroo, the Ending obviously assumes he has been defeated. The symbolism of the Treasure taking the shape of a Cueball and LE’s eyes becoming 8-Balls, with the Breach as the ‘Pocket’ certainly implies he’s been cast into the Black Hole, but there could’ve been more of a fight! Does the Treasure open to free the Souls of the Kids? Does it just Attack Him? That is something that’s left up to the imagination at the very least until the Epilogue happens, and instead we’re left with the image of the Kids Happy on Earth-C- It doesn’t quite matter how he’s defeated, because we know that he has been defeated, and the Kids are living happily post-ending. This could change in the Epilogue, yes, but if it does change, then we’ll have more of the story to go, which will mean that wasn’t the True Ending to begin with, yet still leaving us with the tools to build an actual Happy True Ending. That is the beauty of ambiguity in a story when you DO have the pieces to build what happens until the story continues post-canon!

“Does caliborn still turn into LE?” He needs to do so to become Lord English, however the Masterpiece also implies the possibility of our Caliborn and the Caliborn that becomes Lord English being two different Caliborns. This is, again, left ambiguous in the same way LE’s defeat is. We do know he HAS to become LE, and we also KNOW how he becomes LE. But then the seed of doubt is planted- Is it the same Caliborn? And that is how speculation, talk and theories about the Ending spark, still giving a satisfying conclusion because we know it has to happen somehow, but leaving us to ponder about the specifics, without holding back on important pieces of information that we NEED to know.

“Where’s Vriska?” That’s what Terezi is trying to find, and it’ll likely be one of the main points of the Epilogue. The fact she’s still looking for her however, implies that she’s been missing for over three years. She has accomplished what she went out to do, defeat Lord English. Now the question is, will she come back and redeem herself? Or did she fall with Lord English into the Breach, as a Karmic Retribution of all the bad things she has done? Does she deserve the same Fate as the Villain? Or is there still hope for her? For a character as controversial as Vriska, I honestly love that her fate has been left ambiguous so far.

As for Gamzee, I mean he’s extremely devout to LE and he’s fated to become part of him, granting him a Plot Shield. We do know why he’s so hard to kill, and we also know exactly in what way he ends up becoming part of LE. There’s some weird things left Ambiguous, like his Ghosts, but even that it’s speculation that doesn’t necessarily influence the Ending Result.

As I mentioned above? We have most of the Puzzle Pieces, and the ones we don’t have are intentionally left out for us to fill the hole with our own headcanons and theories. I can’t think of any important thing we don’t see the origin or result of, leaving just certain bits in between to the speculation.

But some of the Characters had their Arcs Dropped, didn’t have their problems solved, or were shafted entirely by the story.

Here we start to get into more messy territory with the Criticism Endings, because rather than misunderstanding, a lot of these are opinions! For example, I do agree I would’ve loved seeing some more Jane towards the ending. However I really don’t think anyone was ‘shafted’ by the story. In fact, I’ve heard people mention how Davepetasprite and Jasprosesprite were, somehow, attempts at reducing the amount of characters towards the ending, and like...

What? So you’re saying reducing the amount of characters towards the ending is accomplished... By making new Characters that present us with really interesting nuances and takes on the world of Homestuck? Are you sure about that? Hell, if Hussie really wanted to reduce the amount of characters, he would’ve killed off every Sprite Pre-Retcon, and not brought Rose back from where Roxy buried her. Were Davepeta and Jasprose afterthoughts that weren’t planned? Purrhaps. But they add onto the story, they are not an attempt to reduce anything. That being said, a lot of people that say this also call the Ending ‘rushed’, somehow. Listen buddy, you can’t simply. Rush something like the Ending of Homestuck. It took way too much time to make for it to not be completely premeditated.

A lot of characters, too, have more Depth to their Arcs than people give Hussie credit for, and while they do suffer or while they don’t interact with someone else as much as other people may, that doesn’t mean they are shafted by the story.

But let’s do this one at a time. Let’s begin with Dead Characters, and just let me say that, straight up, having everyone survive at the end wouldn’t have been as satisfying as you may think. Could Equius have learned to stand up for himself? Could Feferi have done more? Yeah, sure. Could the Dancestors have been more developed? That’s also true! But Death and Conflict happen in Homestuck, and you cannot give every character an equal amount of attention. Furthermore, expecting every character to develop positively is also unrealistic and, honestly, bad? The Trickster Arc is a parody of this, in fact, an accomplishment of the innermost desire of have your problems go away, share everything you want to share and just do everything you want! That problem-less happiness for everyone feels forced and uncanny, having everyone come back happily and develop positively would be worse than having some of them die off. The Dancestors, too, are precisely the way they are as examples of stagnant Character Development. Even Aranea and Meenah, which are the most developed of the Dancestors, follow this same tend. Meenah mentions how Aranea acting the way she did is not unlike the stuff she always did, and Meenah struggles with the fact that she cannot change the way she is, and follows after Vriska and not (Vriska) because it’s in her nature to Do Shit. It’s fun to write about further development and AUs! But in the canonical story of the magnitude and with the themes Homestuck touches, you simply can’t develop them all equally and positively. And while they could’ve been given more screen time, also, well. With so many characters it becomes hard to balance time and interactions.

Jade is another character that many feel was shafted by the story, but honestly this is not true? She suffered the 3 Years on the Prospit Ship and Struggled with her nature as a Space Player and what she was supposed to do- Just like most characters struggled with something. And in the end? Against what she thought Paradox Space had stored for her? She woke up happily to a letter by Dave about missing her. She tried to pacify her dogs and played with them the way she wanted rather than being put to sleep or fighting them. She did what she wanted to do, not what she thought she was ‘supposed’ to be doing.

Jake is also a very complex character towards the ending. His insecurities are pushed on him over and over until he nearly gives up his friends- Note, this is the boy that died to protect Jane without a second thought in the Game Over Timeline. Vriska pushes his insecurities and Tavros really doesn’t quite help at all. And in the End? He manages to prove himself to not be a useless fuck-up by defeating the most amount of villains in the Final Battle, rising victorious on top of a pile of defeated, Time-Warping, Meddlesome Felt Members. The task Vriska had given to him as she thought was the least important, and that happened to be one of the most difficult battles without a single doubt. Here, I would’ve personally liked to see more dialog about Jake finding out more self worth? But the sweet reunion with everyone else and with Dirk leading to Act 7, and the return of his Adventurer Persona by the Credits still expose development.

Jane is also mentioned to have been shafted at times. I would’ve loved to see her hug Dad when they reunited, but I’d say we got even more with her clinging to him in Earth-C during Act 7. Other than that, though? One of the things Jane has suffered for the most in the comic is being repressed and controlled. Condy, Jake shoving her in a more than desirable situation for her... However, her meeting with Jade and Callie bring some excitement and fun after being Mind-Controlled for a long time, and her encounter with Nannasprite reinvigorates her with confidence about being a Heroine herself, leading to the final Battle where she proves to be both a powerful healer and aggressor! And by the end, not only is she finally able to do what she wants, she takes over Crockercorp to make it her company as she wanted, and ends up with two lovely Girlfriends.

Indeed, there could be more to them, there could be more dialog, more is better after all! But I don’t think their Arcs are cut short, nor that they’re shafted by the story. Rather they showcase different struggles with reality and with themselves, that they need to overcome? And as Dave told us, Humans don’t have Character Arcs. They build up confidence towards the Final Battle to finish everything, to win the game together, and then they reunite one last time before passing into the New World. And here they will still have problems, for sure. But at the very least, the Game is finished, and they can leave behind a very unpleasant stage in their lives. Jade was Isolated, Jane was Corrupted, Jake was shamed, but in the end they reunited again, made amends where they needed to, and continue their lives with their unique sets of nuances and problems. John and Terezi, which are given some of the most development, are the two that end the most unhappy, in fact, with John having no purpose anymore and falling to depression, and Terezi obsessively chasing after Vriska still, but this doesn’t mean John’s character was ‘shafted’. His friends still encourage him, Jade still wants to visit him for his Birthday, everyone misses Terezi, they have each other and they all love each other, but internal struggles continue. As the Trickster Arc taught us, it’s something to work on, progressively, not suddenly have it all be fixed, and going through a bit of suffering to reach a happy end doesn’t mean being shafted, either.

The story conveys what it wants to convey with the characters. Whether you agree with what they convey, or if you’d want there to be more about them, now that’s an entirely different can of worms, and that’s why Fanfiction exists and why you’re not only allowed, but encouraged to give your take on the characters and the story!

The problem with the Ending is that it tried something the Story wasn’t. The ‘Meta’ elements, the ‘Symbolism’, it’s cool, but ultimately feels tacked on/Wasn’t conveyed properly through the story, and as such, made the ending feel bad.

This is honestly one of the criticisms I dislike the most about Homestuck when people talk about the Ending, when people say that Hussie didn’t convey his intent, and trying to make the Ending more Meta is detrimental to the Story as a whole and what ‘got the fans there in the first place’, or the thought that somehow more Meta elements and actual Storytelling can’t coexist.

You can definitely not enjoy thinking deeper about a story! If you just want to check out something different and not dig deeper into the content, that’s absolutely okay! However, I’m sorry, but that is not the kind of story Homestuck is. This is a story that’s been acclaimed by the Fandom for its complexity and its weirdness, and now you’re telling me that the thing you dislike about the ending is that it’s weird and makes you think about the story? That’s paradoxical on its own. But let’s leave that behind. Whether you enjoy the more Meta aspect of stories or if you prefer a story one way or another, it’s all subjective. Let’s go to the main point here.

Hussie. Didn’t convey the kind of story it was? And it’s a disservice to the Fandom to have the Ending be something you have to dig in deeper to understand? Honestly, I don’t even know what to say about this, because this is not even like subjective opinion or disliking the ending, this is a complete misreading of the Canon, of the way the story Explicitly tells us how things work. You can interpret a lot of things in Homestuck in different ways- But you cannot say that there’s nothing to interpret and the Ending is bad because it pretends there is.

This is the story that the Author himself has called both a Creation Myth- Explicitly telling us the point of the story is a tale about Reality and living in this Reality, with explicit in-comic talk about the place people have in a Universe with Predetermination, Existential Struggles of just about everyone. This is the story the Author called “A story that is also a Puzzle”- Inviting us to read through the story while providing some deeper bits of lore we could piece together to get a wider image of what truly is behind Homestuck. This is a story where the Author himself is a Character- Miss me with the ‘not Meta’ stuff, Hussie is a character, explicitly, in-comic, that affects the story extremely directly. Jade escapes literally through the Fourth Wall. Caliborn takes over the literal narrative of the setting. Homestuck acknowledges itself as a story multiple times.

You can dislike this. You can absolutely dislike this, it’s a preference, but call it what it is, you just not enjoying this kind of story, or not enjoying the direction the narrative took in general compared to your expectations. The intent and symbolism of the comic is exposed, canonically, pretty blatantly, and even more blatantly by word-of-god with Hussie’s old Formspring and Tumblr answers, and I bet it will be even more blatant as the new Books with Commentary come out.

By blaming Hussie and the Comic on your general interest in the deeper themes of the narrative, you’re outright misinterpreting Authorial Intent in order to make you feel better about not understanding a story, and at the same time, refusing to even give it a second thought! You’ve reached the Ending, so I’m assuming this a story you enjoyed. If you enjoy it, do you really want to just walk bitterly away without giving it a chance?

That’s yet ANOTHER thing I don’t quite understand about this kind of criticism, and it is... Okay, you get to the Ending, and are disappointed that a lot of stuff you wanted to see happen didn’t happen, but- And this is not as true anymore, but back during the Act 7 Days, there was militant dislike about the Ending to the point of saying it ruined the rest of the story? It honestly feels extremely childish that an Open End to a story as complex as Homestuck could make you hate the entire story instead of wanting to know more about it, to see if you missed something else!

I sincerely do believe that a lot of people just dragged themselves through the Ending because it was an old Fandom they were in and they wanted to see how it ended, but just weren’t invested in the story anymore at that point, so they went in remembering and taking the shallow details, leaving the depth behind, and then were disappointed when their own lack of interest sabotaged their view of the comic.

Homestuck is dense, it is a Story with a ton of Symbolism and a lot of weird themes, but it’s also incredibly charming with its narrative and its characters. And for that, I am not saying that ‘You SHOULD enjoy the Ending, god dammit!’. I’m not saying that at all. As I’ve said multiple times, you can dislike Symbology in Stories, you can dislike the directions the Story took, you can dislike anything about the comic itself!

But do understand, when you give criticism of the Ending, try not to tangle actual criticism about the Story or the Narrative with Subjective Opinions. You can say you dislike how dark Blade Runner is, but you can’t say Blade Runner is a bad movie because it’s dark.

So if you don’t like Act 7, more power to you. But if you prefer to have something you apparently enjoy enough to have gone through it to the ending, ruined by your headcanons, and leave you bitter instead of seeing if there’s something more to the story or if there was something you missed, well. I feel that’s a little bit silly?

But whether you enjoy the Ending and want to dig deeper into the story and what actually happens in Homestuck, or you think I’m just a dumb fangirl reading too much into a dumb Webcomic and would like to tell me, feel free to send me an ask! I sincerely do enjoy debating about the Comic and what happens in it as long as it’s done in a civilized manner.

Thanks for Playing.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Ending #Upd8 #Act 7 #Rapture #Epilogue #Credits #HSE

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thinkingcloud · 3 years ago

Text

Questions to Ask Yourself Related to Self Love

So.. it's been a while..okay maybe a couple of weeks...However it's never a bad time for reflection. For some reason, it's easier for me to type out my thoughts than to write them with a pen. perhaps is easier because then i don't have to focus too much on words on a page but I can just write out loud by typing. ore perhaps it's more of a focus thing where grammar and spacing don't really make too much of a difference and i can freely write without hand cramps. Or it helps my mind think faster. Who knows...but I decided to ask myself these multitudes of questions to reflect on myself and give me a starting point to further reflection.

1. Do I believe I’m worthy of good things like love and happiness?

Well...I do think i am worthy of good things that include love and happiness...perhaps.. I've been told too many times that I am not.

Try having your parents tell you...

no one wants you your too fat.. you're going to be an ugly bride if you don't lose weight.

You shouldn't have kids you wouldn't know how to take care of them

You cant even take care of yourself.

How will you financially live you still are at home?

How can you afford certain things?

Who would want to marry you? Who would love you?

Hm... I don't know sounds like nobody since apparently, that is what I reflect.

2. In what ways do I show love for myself?

I tell myself postitive things. Attempt to reflect on things to be grateful for.

3. Do I speak up when I feel I’m not getting what I deserve?

I try...keyword is trying because sometimes when you tell others what you deserve will not change their minds...

4. How comfortable am I with saying “no” to things or people who don’t bring me joy?

Difficult...because I am someone who will always try to see the better in people. Perhaps they do not bring me joy...Things that don't bring me joy probably need a change in perspective because things that don't bring you joy should be avoided. But saying no is never easy.

5. Do I feel guilty if I put my needs first?

Yes...because when your selfish...guilt creeps in. Or pehaps I am not really sure what my needs are to put myself first

6. When was the last time I felt beautiful? Smart? Or powerful?

probably..some time in high school when I was a bit fitter..I dont think i ever felt smart.partially becuase I compared the knoweldge I accquire to others..Powerful..not really sure I have ever felt that way...I always saw myself as an underdog.

7. If someone tells me I’m not good enough, how would I respond?

I'm sorry that you see my that way and perhaps that is your opinion however I see myself as good enough for me and that is what matters. Your opinions dont matter unless they are to help me improve upon myself. Your thoughts dont help me change. Thoughts are normally a relfection of self.

8. If someone tells me I’m amazing, how would I respond?

Thank you for your kind words. you too are amazing and keep doing what your doing.

9. How often do I apologize, even when it’s not my fault?

Often, and that is because although I am not at fault.. taking responsibility for actions even though they are not your own show more courtesy and boldness.

10. How often do I take on other people’s problems as if they were my own?

Sometimes often..the reason is because when you care about others...you put yourself in their shoes...hoping to help them solve the issue. Althought it may be a problem they can solve by themselves.

11. When was the last time I told myself “good job”?

Not sure I have...perhaps I have just been more thankful of faith and God then anything else.

12. How often do I spend time and energy taking care of myself versus taking care of others?

i'm not sure I can really answer this question. I dont think i really have spent time on myself.

Questions to Ask Yourself Related to Happiness

13. What are the top 5 things that bring a smile to my face?

Others that I can help bring a smile too or help effect in a postive way

Puppies...they are so darn cute.. okay maybe just cute stuff in general

New and amazing taste... I love food so when there is a new flavor experience or just a reminder of something good

Being around postive and uplifiting people

Sense of stillness... strange but its just silence..

14. How do I define the meaning of “joy”?

Joy... I think is a feeling a general state of just happiness. It just feels good inside and outside.

15. How important is my own happiness?

Honestly... i thnk this has been out in the backburner in that I dont htink I've ever truly understood by own happiness.. It's like you want to see yourself happy but your to wrapped un in the details to actually see how you feel or how to reflect on that.

16. When was the last time I laughed so hard my belly ached?

I'm sure that have been many times. I'm not sure exactly but I think it was a month ago...its probably something I said where I was the only one laughing...but its okay humor isnt bad.

17. How often do I have a positive experience versus a negative experience?

I think mine have been more negative and that is because the persoective I usually have has been negative. I have been tyring to put htings in a different perspective to make sure that the experience that was negative I reflect on what was actually positive that could out weight the negative

18. How content am I with life in general?

I would say I am not content and that is because I know that there is more capability. To be content is to stay the same mediocrity average and why be content? Those who adapt evolve and change makes you appeciate things more. If you cannot adapt by being content...Content doesnt allow change.

19. How would I answer the question “I’ll be happy when…”?

When I can finally silence all the noise.If I can find my own inner peace that allows for me to be happy and reflect on being better.

20. What’s preventing me from being truly happy now?

I have not found a way to be who I want to be...I have allowed the distractions and opinion of others reflect who I am. Instead of embracing who I am...Thoughts and opinions who try to mold me into who they want me to be and not who I truly am.

21. What am I doing to increase my happiness?

I am going to reflect on myself...To change what I think needs to be changed so That I can be who it is I am meant to be. I will try to do things that bring me happiness and disconnect from things that don't

22. Do I have any regrets that I can’t let go?

I dont think I have regrets persay...I mean everyone has them but are they really enough to be things that we regret? I mean we cannot really get back the time that was lost or the experienes that we shouldve had. So its time to let go.

23. When was the last time I let myself have a good cry?

I dont think i've had a good cry...I think i've had tears for situations that have hit me...I mean most reflections upset me because the truth hurts.

24. What does a “happy life” look like in my mind?

Happy life...looks like a home that I look at and realize how much though had been place to create it. A family that appeciates the experiences and the quality time. It's creating traditions and having fun and love being around each other. Being able to embrace my creativity and loving things but able to let them go if need be.

25. How do I bring happiness to other people’s lives?

By helping them achieve their goals and dreams...or by simply providing the simple joys that they would like. Or helping to influence them in a more positive direction

26. Would my friends describe me as a “positive person”?

Not yet...and that is because I have not shown them that side of me.

27. When was the last time I found the “silver lining” in a bad situation?

I think I normally try to...but most of the time its suriving the situation

28. How do I express gratitude?

I will usually try to provide a gift.Or try to bless the person who has blessed me..I'm still working on this.

29. If I were to describe 3 things I’m grateful for right now, what would they be?

A roof over my head, food to consume, and support system from those that care.

30. Do I believe I’m responsible for my own happiness? Why or why not?

Yes...no one can bring you happiness...not really.. Happiness is not an object...its a feeling its not alive. So really the only one responsible is self. Keyword is my own... well if it is yours...then how can someone else be responsible? As a mentor told me if you OWN it..then it is yours you feed it, you water it becuase if you dont...it dies.

Questions to Ask Yourself Related to Resilience and Mindset

31. How do I respond to a tough challenge that really tests my limit?

I naturally over analyze so i have to know the details and I have to know the tools available. Which is why tough challanges throw me in a loop beucase I will overthink so much that the challange then becomes why I made things so tough and complicated in my mind which then cloud my plan of action.

When instead...I find my own facts and take whatever it is head on.

32. How long does it usually take for me to bounce back from failure?

A while...becuase I tend to dwell on things that were not successful trying to analayze the situation the details what was suppose to go correctly what did I do?

33. True or false: It takes a lot to knock me down.

FALSE, Because I allow things to knock me down instead of standing up to it. Being resourceful to actually stand my ground

34. What am I more afraid of? Failure, or the regret of not trying?

Tought call because it has been all of thes throughout my whole life. I always afraid to fail because it would disappoint my family.

Regret...I have alot of the time because of my lack of boldness..what couldve or shouldve because I was afraid of making a mistake or I had a fear of what could go wrong. Most of these things were in my head.

Not trying... well i think this would be more in certain situations because I would have regret before not trying something which is why I would try somethign so I dont have the regret.

So I think my fear is more of regret or failure. Regret because it is more reflecting. Failure you cannot fail if you didnt try. But if you dont try you have regret. So really regret i think brings me more fear but the fear of failure brings more reality to me.

35. How adaptable am I to changing circumstances and environments?

I like to think of myself as adaptable..Because you sometimes cannot change all your circumstances and if you are not in control of them the only thing you can do is adapt.

36. How often do I tell myself “I can’t”?

Often...and that is beacuse I let my mind think too much to the point of talking myself out of it,

37. When was the last time I encountered a frustrating situation and what did I do to make it better?

Everyday...and I dont think i have truly made it better,

38. Do I believe I have control over how I feel and the experiences I have in life?

I do..however beleive it no. i dont htink I do...and that is because I have chosen not to take the responsibikity necessary to control my experiences. Be it positve or negative is my choice. i have to choose how to feel and whether I let my feelings dictate the expereinces.

39. When was the last time I felt really disappointed or hurt? What helped me overcome it?

I think it was honestly...waiting for a moment that I had thought about...and when it came...I was more disappointed because I didnt see the value of what it was. I'm still overcoming it.

40. How often do I complain?

Frequently because I forget...i cannot control everything and that complaing doesnt solve issues.

41. When was the last time I solved a tough problem and what did I learn from it?

I'm not sure what the problem was...But I have a feeling I just dealt with wht was a hand and I did what I could.

0 notes

tahimik-blog · 4 years ago

Text

traciouswink's Xanga Blog 1.1 20031308 traciouswink's Xanga Site traciouswink [email protected] traciouswink traciouswink [email protected] traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:35:29 -04:00

ohemGee.. this is totellie NOT tracyy.. lalalalala jp muahaha.. so yeaah.. hrmm juszz wanna tell yaah a pinch of todaaaiii.. issh maaaaiii fun dayyyy!!! woop woop!!! hrmmm.. why? damnit iono.. hahahaa jp ;] well, hrmm.. lemme see wut happend todaaaaii bitchesssss well.. yeaaaah....basically well todaaaiii isss.......... a fun dayyyyy!!!! okaii there yaaah go.. ;] I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need/ (and I) Don't care about presents/ Underneath the Christmas tree/ I don't need to hang my stocking/ There upon the fireplace/ Santa Claus won't make me happy/ With a toy on Christmas day/I just want you for my own/ More than you could ever know/ Make my wish come true/ All I want for Christmas is you.../ You baby/ x0x0 for yooh :: do not cut tha lerix cuszz issh purdyyyy!!! kaii cya later ;] muaah ;] hope to have more fun daaaays taah cumm!!! <3

2005-12-16 01:31:06 2005-12-16 06:31:06 open Private post 407536629 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:35:16 -04:00

tagalog letter for maii hunnyee [[leet and tagalog slang]] EVe|2 L|_|v3E |)u8eE |{0|\|9 k|-||21$, |-|4'/'/... 54|\|a |\/|@g1NG 4U5|\|e$5 |\|4 74|2ic|-| K451 M15$NE$$E$s N4 |{174k|-|... ;] LjK|{ 0M9 50|3r@ $08|2@ 1717k|-|! |_| N03 |34 L4Gi |\|@ L@n9 4|{3kh N49 Ka k|2j (|2'/ k4$1 508r@Ng 0U(|-|'/! |{4$1 \/\/4La K@ |}i+0... |-|@'/'/.. a11 3@|\| |{0 845$|-|.. 47 |-|37o p4, \/\/@L4 4N9 p@|}U|{ |/\|@L4 @|\|G |\/|4d1|2, $@|}Ne$sNEs5 74L@G4 e\/E|2U(|-|1! 4nG kh|_|V@ K0 XMp3|2|}sz @L|/\|a'/5 4|\||} F0|2EV3|2 |-|3|23 N0|-|.. |-|UNn11 |{0, $0|3|2@nG |\/|1s5NE$|_|$ Na K1+@.. s4|\|@ m49K45@|\/|@ N@ +4L4G4 +4u 3VEr Ka51 $0|3|2@Ng |-|U|2ti|\|9 1|\|51dE |\|@ 4K|_| $araNG|-|ae |-|uNN1i, d1 |{1747(|-| ma9L3F+'/ 0K@11? |)1+0 |\|@ L@|\|G @Nd 570p5iGn, |{4$1 |\|4g 0|_|k|-|'/ N@ a|\|9 K3yb0r+10N k0 4+ F1N93rpUpp3+s. |3j3|3jE, mu4@a@|-|! <3 @|\|G 1y0|\|g pi|\|4Ka|\/|4|\/|@|-|4L X1Nf1ni7j 3\/3|2, $wEE7y

2005-12-11 21:18:14 2005-12-12 02:18:14 open Private post 404893145 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:34:59 -04:00

thingyees i want for Xmasz ;] aka :: tha wish list <333 a] new cellyee [done, from daddyee&&`mommyee ] b] d&&`b or coach purse [puh-weez? jp] c] new digicam woop woop ;] d] new american eagle track jacket e] bear cuddler [this is for maii p.i., again, p.i. friends puahaha, i miss bear cuddler!!!] f] go to chinatown and jusz eat a bowl of BEEF WONTON!!! woop woop g] roadtrip to seattle, and meet maii sissie Dannii <3 h] anklet, a purdy one ;] i] a thousen` comments on maii mS before newyear j] a pink pen jusz because ;] K] tha aeropostale bear <3 l] that big Patrick Star stuffyee m] tha starbucks gift card ;] N] and to be with maii Chris on Xmasz...sigh... there you go puahaha... ;]

2005-12-10 23:39:59 2005-12-11 04:39:59 open Private post 404305659 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:34:44 -04:00

hi hi.. well 3-day weekend woop woop! friday... melissa asked me to go to cp cuszz we be havin` a snowball fight and we be makin` snowmen yanna-mean? i told chris and he`s lykk.. okaii ill go.. but i remember that imma drop-off maii dad AiiRPORT... =[.. to cali, then pi!!! woop woop.. but mann.. i wnna go too.. nahhh, not really <3... right hunnii? <3 so yeaah.. i went to tha airport.. then went to cp.. omg it was fun! hee hee.. then.. chris and i went to.. STARBUCKS! lol.. then... we read sum books there.. ;] is cool hee hee.. oh yeaah.. thenn.. waaah waaah before sleepin`.. kaii thasz it.. saturday.. OK so basically i went to maii hunnii`s place.. and had a snowball fight with our ni-san niko.. hee hee.. then chill.. then.. cha-ching! hee hee.. we went to towne center.. ALL HAPPii.. hrmm.. lol <3 [[im not done.. im fuckin` tired!!!]] imma jusz type it tomaroe byee!

2005-12-05 02:36:47 2005-12-05 07:36:47 open Private post 400580117 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:34:16 -04:00

>by chris: I scored a 67% on the "How Korean R U?" Quizie! What about you? 73% on the "How cool are you?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 27% on the "How Starbucks Are You?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 74% on the "Are you addicted to the computer?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 24% on the "Addicted To AIM??" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 15% on the "how myspace are you?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 33% on the "How Starbucks Are You?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 23% on the "How iPod Are You?" Quizie! What about you? >i scored="" a="">26% on the "How white are you??!" Quizie! What about you?> I scored a 42% on the "how chinese are you" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 46% on the "ObsesSion??? Harry Potter..." Quizie! What about you? I scored a 53% on the "How Japanese Are You?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 54% on the "hOw FiLiPiNo ArE yOu?" Quizie! What about you? by tracy : I scored a 35% on the "how chinese are you" Quizie! What about you? i scored="" a="">37% on the "How Vietnamese are you?" Quizie! What about you? >I scored a 100% on the "How cool are you?" Quizie! What about you? >I scored a 68% on the "How white are you??!" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 77% on the "Are you addicted to the computer?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 53% on the "How Japanese Are You?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 52% on the "Addicted To AIM??" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 75% on the "hOw FiLiPiNo ArE yOu?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 69% on the "how myspace are you?" Quizie! What about you? I scored a 52% on the "How Korean R U?" Quizie! What about you?

2005-12-03 01:58:27 2005-12-03 06:58:27 open Private post 399267611 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:32:56 -04:00

CHRiiS AND TRACY ARE PROUD PARENTS OF A PiiGGY, A HEDGEHOG AND A NiiNJA FETUS! YAYY FERR US!

adopt your own virtual pet!

I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetusfrom Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

2005-12-03 01:03:16 2005-12-03 06:03:16 open Private post 399246177 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:32:26 -04:00

kenti new way xien** so gyeaah.. uhh... saturdaii.. hrmm lets see.. my lover and i woke up at the same effin` time.. how coolsz that? lol.. KOOL........................... =] then we talked by our CELLiiEEE! ;] ;] ;] then.. ate lunch.. then.. computurr.. o0ohh.. i downloaded songs ferr my gangsta`-pod!!! woot woot.. thasz a lotta songs.. i swear.. SWEAR!!! l0l hrmm.. while dloadin`.. im talkin to maii friends.. and of course maii lover.. =] well thasz about it.. hahaha.. oh chyeaah.. me and chris talked that night.. as always.. <3 sunday<3 hrmm.. woke up a lil early then maii lover.. lol then cleand maii room! while talkin to hunnii and TAKIN` PICXSZZIES! HAHAHA.. so funnii.. not. so yeaah.. ate lunch agiin and maii dad and i went to south hill mall jusz because.. and yeaah shop shop shop! not. then computurr.. tAlked to maii lover and friends. hrmm.. laughed a lot.. *wink chris.. solved a problem ;].. did maii laundry T_T.. and eat eat eat!!! purdayy much it! see ya next week! x0x0 oh yeaah.. maii dad we be goin back to cali, THEN.. all of tha fams we be goin to tha pi.. ... ... ... yeaah, bye! PURDAYY_NENE we love you tito genie <3

2005-11-28 00:45:48 2005-11-28 05:45:48 open Private post 396048877 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:32:12 -04:00

chrisz survey!!!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:christopher [11/26/05]Birthday:jan.8 19xxBirthplace:seoul, koreaCurrent Location:lakewood with my babygirlEye Color:brownHair Color:not jet black with highlightsHeight:5`10``Right Handed or Left Handed:rightyYour Heritage:half korean, half whiteThe Shoes You Wore Today:nothing. Your Weakness:tracyYour Fears:losing tracyYour Perfect Pizza:whatever we orderGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:stay @ cp and stay with tracyYour Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:lolThoughts First Waking Up:1]what time is it 2]i wonder if tracy`s upYour Best Physical Feature:smile as told by tracyYour Bedtime:11pmYour Most Missed Memory:my papaPepsi or Coke:cokeMacDonalds or Burger King:phÃ– thaiSingle or Group Dates:singleLipton Ice Tea or Nestea:nesteaChocolate or Vanilla:neitherCappuccino or Coffee:capDo you Smoke:noDo you Swear:pssh..yeahDo you Sing:yeahDo you Shower Daily:uh huhHave you Been in Love:i am right nowDo you want to go to College:yupDo you want to get Married:definitelyDo you belive in yourself:most of the timeDo you get Motion Sickness:noo0o0o0o0o0!Do you think you are Attractive:not really [tracy:heck yeah hunnii!]Are you a Health Freak:noDo you get along with your Parents:pssh..noDo you like Thunderstorms:who does?Do you play an Instrument:im korean, of course i do.In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yesIn the past month have you Smoked:noIn the past month have you been on Drugs:nopeIn the past month have you gone on a Date:yesIn the past month have you gone to a Mall:aww..noIn the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:i dont like chocolate, they dont even come in boxes. wait, do they?In the past month have you eaten Sushi:yesIn the past month have you been on Stage:noooo.. stage frightIn the past month have you been Dumped:noIn the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no. but i wish i did with someone*wink wink [tracy:ur wrong hunnii, who can skinny dip without sum1?]In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no. im a good boy...not[tracy:yeppp..not!]Ever been Drunk:noEver been called a Tease:i hope not [tracy:pssh....]Ever been Beaten up:by my brother. ass [tracy:jusz say yes..gosh!]Ever Shoplifted:when i was a kid [tracy:cusz u dunno ur rich? gosh....]How do you want to Die:painlesslyWhat do you want to be when you Grow Up:iono [tracy:pssh...]What country would you most like to Visit:philippines with tracy [tracy: =(]In a Boy/Girl..Favourite Eye Color:brownFavourite Hair Color:not jet blackShort or Long Hair:longHeight:5`4``Weight:doesnt matter to meBest Clothing Style:ionoNumber of Drugs I have taken:noneNumber of CDs I own:iono.. u can countNumber of Piercings:0Number of Tattoos:0Number of things in my Past I Regret:1, making my sweetheart cry [tracy:awwww...] CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

2005-11-26 18:06:51 2005-11-26 23:06:51 open Private post 395128187 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:31:56 -04:00

Your Kiss (with pics!)Name/Username Age Kiss Passion-O-Meter - 66%

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Take the quiz: "Which Mean Girls Character Are you? (girlz)" Regina George Your the hottest girl in school. 2005-11-26 15:21:21 2005-11-26 20:21:21 open Private post 395049887 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:31:41 -04:00

hihi.. hee hee.. w0w.. l0ng weekend ferr me huh? hee hee.. well let`s see, let`s see.. 0kaii, thursdaii.. hrmm.. i woke up earlier then maii l0ver chris! hahaha.. then.. we went t0 maii granniie`s h0use tah eat lunch yepp yepp, guys.. lunch.. cuszz issh thanksgivin`, duhhhr.. haha.. s0 yeaa.. then.. stayed here ferr lykk tha wh0le daii! freakiin` arrgh! then.. maii hunnii bunch decided t0 g0 here since he`s around maii `h0od.. then.. we partied!...n0t. we talked about funniie stuff.. haha.. yeaah.. im hypurr.. =] then i lent him maii track jackiit cusz his track jackiit was wet lykk hell.. im shweet lykk that <3 i ate chicken, 2 times! lol so yeaah.. then.. he left.. *s0b buh yeaah.. issh co0l th0u.. <3 then.. well stayed hurr.. g0sh.. [sike] then.. had a l0ng celly marath0n with maii hunnii.. issh c0ol 0b c0rsz.. =] -end FRYDAii <3 ii WOKE UP ii THiiNK EARLiiER THEN MAii LOVER.. WELL iiONO.. HRMM YEAAH.. THEN.. WE WENT TO TOWNEY.. ATE LUNCH!!! SPENT 140+ DOLLERS WOOT WOOT! [SiiKE] iiSH PROLLiiE TRUU ;] THEN YEAAH.. STAYED HURR.. THEN... MAii HUNNii CAME OVA AGiiN! HEE HEE~ WE ATE GRAPES CASHEWS AND DRANK COKE PLAYED TiiBiiDiiBiiDiiB SCORE WAS :: 13 TO 5 ii WON! THEN WE PLAYED YANKEE DOODLE! SCORE WAS :: 18 TO 3 HAHA! HUNNii U SUCK! JP! GOSH! LOVE YAH HUNNii <3 U MADE MAii DAii LYKK ALWAYS <3 AWWW.. SHWEET ii NOE, ii NOE.. OHH YEAHH.. DON`T HATE BITCHES! WE NOE WE`RE LUCKiiE! SO YEAHH.. THEN.. HE LEFT.. *SOB.. THEN.. WELL STAYED HERE.. THEN.. TALKED TO MAii FRiiENDS BY AiiM AND COMMENTS JUSZ LYKK EVERY FRiiGiiN` DAY! LOL OH YEAAH.. THENN.. ATE STEAK AND GARLiiC BREAD.. YUMMiiE! THEN ATE BiiL GAW GHii AND BUTTERED DiiNNER BREAD.. YUMMiiE TOO! HEE HEE.. THEN.. THASZ PURDii MUCH iiT! OKAii.. iiL JUSZ ADD THA NEXT 2 DAYS PROLLiiE SUNDAii OKAii! BYE BYE! SO HYPURR! PURDAYY_NENE

2005-11-26 01:46:03 2005-11-26 06:46:03 open Private post 394747549 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:31:11 -04:00 People see love in your eyes. You either love everyone around you ooor...somebody's in loooove, no? Seriously, though... You seem to have a lot of love in your heart right now. You're singing songs and picking flowers...or at least you feel like doing so. And we can't forget floating on air, right? Well, don't let anyone ruin that for you, and if things don't turn out...don't worry over it. There are worse things, and you know it. What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!)) brought to you by Quizilla You're a good person. You know how to be nice without being OVERLY nice...You always try to think of others and their needs, but you know that it's impossible to please everyone and you are willing to accept people as they are. That's great! Are you a Nice Person?? (Girl anime pics) brought to you by Quizilla The bad girl. Who exactly ARE you? (AnImE PiCs) brought to you by Quizilla ~Fan~ The fan is your weapon! Heh, don't laugh, this is can be weapon and not a decoration as it usually is you know! Though it is rather a defensive weapon, when used carefully, you can disarm an opponent and therefore, use their weapon instead! It's pretty and light to carry, and a great disguise, fooling others that you have no intention to harm them, when you really do! What's Your Perfect Anime Weapon? brought to you by Quizilla You are the Sweet Cat. You are one of the friendliest Cats around! You love to make new friends and to meet new people.You are also Outgoing and a Joyful Cat. You Hate to be ignored by others but......you talk alot so they usually ignore you. What Anime Cat Are You? //.:With CUTE Anime Pics:.// brought to you by Quizilla Your eye color should be pink. You're the classic girlnextdoor, a sweet, loving, daddy's girl. You can be shy when meeting new people and absolutely adore cute and cuddly animals and toys. What Color Eyes Should You Have? ( With Anime Pictures ^-^ ) brought to you by Quizilla Love Interest What is your anime occupation? (pics) brought to you by Quizilla You, my friend, are a lazy sleeper! As far as you are concerned, sleeping and lounging about are the most incredible things on earth. You love just sitting back and watching everyone buzzing around with their busy lives. Its not that youre stupid or dont care, on the contrary, you are quite intelligent when you want to be. But why waste the effort? How do you Sleep? (Anime Pics) brought to you by Quizilla You are Usagi, from Sailor Moon. Which Popular Anime Girl are you? brought to you by Quizilla You belong on a lazy-day beach or anywhere where you can set up a relaxing bench or chair and watch the world go by. You don't want to make any changes, watching is enough to make you content. The blue of the sky and the light of day beat into your soul and you drift into the world and around without harming anything or making any ripples in the fabric of humanity. Enjoy your peace, few have it, though few would want it at the cost. Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES) brought to you by Quizilla Waaah! You're so LOVABLE! Everybody likes you, because you're a great person to have around and it's always happy about everything ^^. congrats! and...can I hug you?? plz! ^///^ Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!! brought to you by Quizilla You have an intense kiss! You and your partner connect when you kiss and you forget about the rest of the world. Hey, call me!!! ^_~ What anime kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla You are a summer. You are a time bomb of fun. You just wait for your moment to burst and let your hyperness shine. You are very energetic and people know that you are hard to get mad because you are having too much fun to really care. You are a social butterfly and you love to talk and meet new people. You keep you hyper ways up we need some in this world! ^_^ What Season Best Fits You? (anime pics) brought to you by Quizilla Like oh my gosh. You got a guy who's cute and sweet. He's so sweet that he'ld take you out for dinner or at a cafe just to buy what you want:) Even if it's just a candy stick. Yup it's love. You got a great guy waiting for you somewhere. You just gotta look harder;) Who's Perfect For You??? (Cute Anime Pics) brought to you by Quizilla Ok you are a romantic anime girl and you love and care for a lot of people.There is no evil in you soul or your heart.Though sometimes people don't feel the same way as you do you keep on trying to change their mind.You love to help people out and you are always happy.Keep on trying to make the whole world smile because you know smiles are contagious ^_^.Oh and if it seems like there is nobody who could love you as much as you could love them it doesn't matter the thing is that the only thing that matters is that he cares and loves you and it doesn't matter how much well maybe it does but don't set you standards to high cuz then you'll find nobody If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only) brought to you by Quizilla Natural Beauty! You impress with your narural charme and your simple beauty. You only want to be the person you are and be accepted as that. Go you! What kind of beauty are you? .._..contains Anime pictures.._.. brought to you by Quizilla You are a Princess, accustomed to only the best. Elegant and poised, you believe in High Standards, and like your standards to be met. You are gracious and kind, to those you find deserving; but woe betide anyone who does not meet your standards, you would dismiss them with a casual wave of your hand. Not only do you set high standards for others, you set them for yourself also, and sometimes find yourself struggling to meet them. Most of your life you have gained what you wanted, probably an only or youngest child, you put you first. However, saying that, you are not entirely self-centred,it's simply you've learnt to put yourself first. When moved, you are capable of empathy and kindness, and would willingly do your best to help others; but your life so far has taught you, that you must come first. You are also well learned.

At your best, you are kind, gracious, noble and focused; at your worst you are selfish, dismissive and stubborn. If you don't agree with something, you would nod your head graciously, and refuse to be swayed.

You are special, and everyone should know that. Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!) brought to you by Quizilla Your Japanese name should be

'Mitsuko'

which means "child of light".

You're a very optimistic person and spread out your happiness! You're a real social butterfly; you love to be around people and can't stand staying home alone too long. You're really a bright, shining light! Which Japanese name fits you best? [females, 9 results + absolutely stunning ANIME pictures!] brought to you by Quizilla You enjoy the hell out of life. Be happy, that's your motto. Good for you, just keep on brightening the world, one friend at a time. *Your inside self.* -G irls Only-..::Anime Pics::.. brought to you by Quizilla Your a sweety!You care a lot how others are and always ready to help! What kind of candy are you? brought to you by Quizilla You look best in a dark blue kimono with blue flowers on it. You are happy and content with your life you don't need anything all that you what you all ready have. Your True Kimono brought to you by Quizilla He dated Barbie and G.I. Joe, but are you sure, because he might date himself next! What sexual orientation is Ken of Barbie fame? brought to you by Quizilla You're an alcoholic cheerleader. So your favorite pastime is hanging out with mindless sorority boys?? Don't be so superficial. Once you get past the apperance, it's all about someone's personality. Don't sell yourself short and meet some REAL men ~ What kind of messed up barbie are you?~ the ORIGINAL version brought to you by Quizilla You are Hollywood, California!You like for people to notice you and to be in the spot-light! What State/Country r u? (with Pics!) brought to you by Quizilla Water--You're calm and collected. Nothing phases you really, except when someone messes with someone you care about, then you jump in with an attitude that could scare their hair white. You're great to be around and pretty smart when you want to be, or you can be pretty dumb when you wanna.Your Song: "Do or Die" By Papa RoachYour Color: Dark Blue, a dark color with depth to it and can hold mysteriuos things. What Element Fits You Best? (7 results)(animepics)(girls only) brought to you by Quizilla You are a light angel. You are a very happy individual. You show people the way to enlightenment. Your enemies are angels of darkness and clouds. What type of elemental angel are you? (anime pictures) brought to you by Quizilla Theres Nothing Hidden Behind Your Smile when you smile you mean ityou don't try to fake your feelings ylou let the world know very clearly if you pissed off, or feeling the slightlest bit sad. What's Hidden Behind Your Smile? brought to you by Quizilla

2005-11-20 17:57:52 2005-11-20 22:57:52 open Private post 391178525 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:30:18 -04:00

omg!!! this is so fetch!!!

2005-11-20 17:24:24 2005-11-20 22:24:24 open Private post 391159225 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:29:58 -04:00

hi hi.. hee hee.. im bored.. gossh.. my weekend is almost over so.. here i am.. once agiin.. writin` nonsense.. lol.. truu truu thou.. well yeaah.. my weekend wusz emotional.. well.. kinda.. buh yeaah.. =[ im okaii now.. i guess... it`s jusz that.. fuck.. never mind hehehe.. jusz ask me if yooh lykk.. lol.. okaii.. let`s start fridayy night.. hrmm.. so chris and i wer talkin` on aim.. and im lykk.. man im bored.. he`s lykk.. gyeaah me too.. then.. i asked him [randomly].. do you wnna go to tha movies.. hehehe.. and he`s lykk sure.. at first really wer jusz jokin` buh iono wut happend lol.. and then i asked my dad if i can go to tha movies.. and he's lykk.. wut time.. and im lykk.. right now.. and he's lykk.. dang.. and then lykk.. he said okaii.. and then i went to towne center on time.. chris arrived @ lykk.. an hour and a half later. sike.. hahaha.. well yeaah.. then lykk.. tha tickets are sold out.. dang! haha.. im not surprised.. haha.. buh yeaah.. wer lykk.. so wer dyoou wnna go..? iono.. okaii lets jusz walk.. so we walked. dang chillyy.. buh issh okaii.. and lykk.. while wer walkin` we takin` picxzzies! hahaha.. yeaah cool huh.. sike.. uhh.. gyeaag.. we went to.. uhh.. i forgot tha name buh issh a pet store sumn.. issh either petco or.. pet... yeaah.. i forgot.. lalala.. =] so.. yeaah... we went there and look for uhh.. chrisz pet i think.. iono.. lol.. then we went to riteaid.. cuszz he wansta buy a drink.. yeaah.. then.. we took picxszzies agiin.. lol.. hrmm.. then we left.. we went to target lol.. omg we love target now! lol.. jp.. and yeaah.. hrmm.. so we walked and took piczsiisz agiin.. then.. we went to tha loew`s and did nuffin.. lol.. then we went to barnes and well.. chilld and.. talkd i guess.. haha.. then.. we went to.. argh.. iono.. i forgot hahaha.. then.. yeaah.. i left. then yeaah.. end.. oh yeaah.. we talked [celly marathon].. okaii so saturday.. nuffin happnd.. hrmm.. jusz stayed home.. chris came ova.. we chiill`d.. yeaah thasz purdy much it.. then yeaah.. sunday.. boring day.. huhuhuhu.. okaii baii baii.. end.. lykk.. end!!! PURDAYY_NENE

2005-11-20 16:18:40 2005-11-20 21:18:40 open Private post 391122638 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:29:42 -04:00 2005-11-20 02:35:49 2005-11-20 07:35:49 open Private post 390798148 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:29:26 -04:00 hi hee hee.. so cool huh.. wer so cute together!!! lykk goshness! 2005-11-19 16:56:54 2005-11-19 21:56:54 open Private post 390510266 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:23:23 -04:00

wow.. this is new.. i think i`m fallin` ferr animes agiin.. lol.. no! haha.. jp.. well.. look at my lover yuna..

isnt she purday? omg.. she is my fave.. lykk supah fave anime character.. hee hee.. i remember one time.. o0oh.. nvm hahaha! well.. yeaah.. i think imma be readin` sum mangas agiin.. well.. iono why... buh oh well.. at least im not gonna be sad and bored that much huh.. okaii thasz it.. buhbyee <3 PURDAYY_NENE

2005-11-19 03:04:43 2005-11-19 08:04:43 open Private post 390186172 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:23:09 -04:00 animes are so cool! You are a Sexy Girlfriend! You love your boy, not only in youre also the type that is willing to give him a little something! Be careful though, you dont want to go too far on the first date! ^_~Quote: Love is everything it's cracked up to beIt really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. Erica Jong What Kind of GIRLFRIEND are YOU? (with pics) brought to you by Quizilla 2005-11-18 21:32:15 2005-11-19 02:32:15 open Private post 390028257 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:22:48 -04:00

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?Name: Age: Sex: MaleFemaleSexuality: StraightGayBisexualFlirting Skill Level - 54%

Kissing Skill Level - 61%

Cudding Skill Level - 80%

Sex Skill Level - 92%

Why They Love You You have a way with words.Why They Hate You You talk too much.This cool quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 2949961 Times.

New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

Your Seduction Style: The NaturalYou don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

- - --^[muh quizzesz]^-- - -

You scored as Prep/Jock/Cheerleader.

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

81%

Ghetto gangsta

38%

Geek

31%

Stoner

25%

Punk/Rebel

19%

Drama nerd

13%

Goth

Loner

What..s Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Popular Bitch.

Popular Bitch

100%

Preppy Girl

81%

Nerdy Girl

50%

Hippy

38%

Athletic Tomboy

25%

Slut

19%

Loser

Goth

What type of girl are you?!! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Hot. Haha! u are so hotttttttttt!

Hot

87%

Prep

80%

Geek/Nerd

46%

Emo Kid

33%

"Ghetto"

33%

Punk

27%

Loner

13%

Jock

Goth

Stoner

What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To? created with QuizFarm.com

2005-11-17 22:28:00 2005-11-18 03:28:00 open Private post 389497376 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:19:13 -04:00

Fucking Long Survey... Trust Me You'll Like It!~The Basics~Whats Your Real Name::christopher smith, oops. tracy ignacio Your Middle Name::secret! we're not that close Birthdate::june 22 Birthplace::pi Current Location::lakewood, wa Zodiac::cancurr Eye Color::brown Hair Color::not-jet black Heritage::filapina and part azn by injection lol jp Age::one`five Height::5`four Currently Living With::my dad and a fat lady who loves to fart loud xinfinitee What Time Is It::6:16pm ~School~What School Do You Attend::clover park high school Mascot::uhh.. warrior [chris told me] School Colors::green and yellow, so cool! soff`murr power! Grade::1oth Hottest Teacher::as-if.. Uglyist Teacher::as-if.. Favorite Subject::treble choir! and health && fitness! Least Favorite Subject::personal finance Hottest Guy/Girl In School::chris smith/ tracy ignacio Favorite Teacher::mr. ninnis [cusz of track] Least Favorite Teacher::ms. jensen [ i dont noe her buh i hate her cusz chris hates her] If You Could Have Any Teacher Fired, Who Would it Be::ms. wekell, bcuszz chris and i hates her more then tha world hates her.. College You Wanna Go To::i still dunno.. ~The Future~Do You Wanna Get Married::ob corsz.. At What Age Do You Hope To Get Married At?:hrmm.. iono.. How Many Kids::iono! gosh! What Type of Wedding would it be?:o0oh beach! Where would it be?:iono! What do you wanna be when you grow up?:a rich bitch! Where would you want to live?:anywhere in tacoma Where would the honeymoon be?:chrisz apartment, korea If you parents didnt like the person would you still marry them?:of course ~Favorties~Color::pink Food::azn foods Chocolate::i love chocolate. so basically i will eat a worldfull of chocolates and still dunno wutz tha best chocolate ever.. Drink::bubba tea! and frap! Magazine::teenvogue Chanel::63 Sent::adidas for women Perfume::i forgot tha name! *sob Colonge::endless love Website::myspace! Person::chris smith Time in your life::hold on imma think of sumn! Grade::1oth Number::sixx Screen Name::iissh sumwhurr here in muh xanga jusz look ferr it Pick Up Line::ahaha.. as if i got one.. Song (at the moment)::miss you [krn] Movie (at the moment)::well.. nuffin buh i really wnna watch hp4.. Song (of all time)::burn Movie (of all time)::so close Way of Communication::celly Item::tf? lappitappi Store::american eagle, aeropostale and pacsun Piece of Clothing::track jackets Shirt::roxy shirts Pants::capris Shoes::flipflops please Band::pcd Boy Band::i dont have any, sorrii Type of Music::rnb, slow jams, hiphop, rap, rock, techno, aznpop.. Day of the week::saturday Country::usa Language::hangul! haha.. issh cute! Car::chrisz rx7 SUV::my armada baby! Word::smashing! Place to Make out::his place Place to hang out::towne center! lol Street Name::PIMPTASTIC TRACY DAZZLE State::wa Fairy Tale::sleepin` beauty Love Story::my love story Love Quote::uh.. yeaaah.. Ice Cream Flavor::strawberry Model::me! Veggie::i dont eat veggie that much.. Fruit::strawberries! Swear Word::eff! Question::are yooh freakin` serious?! hahaha so funnie! ~Have You Evers~Fallen For Your Best Friend::yeaah.. i think.. not sure!!! Lied to your parents::yeaah.. Made out with some one::yeaah.. Sung at a karioke bar::yeaah.. Danced on top of the table::yeaah.. Drank Alcholol::yeaah.. Watched Languna Beach::yeaah.. Watched The Notebook::yeaah.. Loved someone::yeaah.. Black mailed someone::yeaah.. Skipped Class::nope Licked something::yeaah.. Gone AIM::yeaah.. Watched Porn::yeaah.. i did! Kissed Someone that was just a friend::yeaah.. Been Rejected::nope Been In Love::yeaah.. Cheated on someone::nope Been cheated on::nope Used::nope Used someone::nope Fallen for someone you just met::yeaah Done something you regret::yeaah.. Do You:Forgive easily::nope Forget easily::nope Trust easily::nope Love easily::prolly Color Your Hair::yeaah Shave::yeaah Drink Soda::yeaah Kiss on the 1st date::yeaah kiss random people::nope say "I love You" to much::prolly, iono.. say whats on your mind::yeaah, all tha time like to smell good::yeaah of course.. lykk who doesnt.. imma stab yooh! take a shower daily::yeaah want something/someone you can have::yeaah ~This Or That~Coke or Pepsi::pepsi McDonalds or Burger King::taco balls, oops.. bells KFC or Wendys::taco bell Subway or Quiznos::subway Cadillac or Mersadces::marcedess - correct spelling!!! hahaha.. VH1 or MTV::mtv Vanilla or Chocolate::chocolate The Oc or Laguna Beach::laguna beach Paper or Plastic::paper Computers or Phones::phones Jay-Z or Nas::jay-z Ja-Rule or 50 Cent::ja rule 50 Cent or The Game::5o cent Addidas or Nike::adidAs Baby Phat or Roxy::omg.. roxy! Rocawear or Element::element Rap or Rock::rock Jay-Z or Linkin Park::jay z Love or Lust::love Truth or Lies::truth! duhh.. Yankees or Red Soxs::iono! Red Soxs or White Soxs::iono! Abercrombie or Hollister::american eagle Carpet or Hardwood::carpet Walf or Run::run Sunset or Sunrise::sunset Cancun or Cabo::cabo!!!! Laugh or Cry::laugh Silver or Gold::silver White or Black::white School or Crack::school ~Friends~Best Friends::all my un niies! Funniest::lucy Loudiest::darrielle One you can trust most::yejin! one you went out with::pssh.. Preppiest::yejin Emo::frances Ghetto::iono! Punk::phoebe Model Type::can`t think Longest::iono Shortest::iono Hottest::iono ~In a Guy or Girl~Hair Color::black with brown highlights Eye Color::brown Height::5`ten Weight::he dont noe Age::16 Style of Clothing::preppy! hahaha Personality::so nice.so cool.so fetch.so true.so you! Best Physical Quality::eyes hee hee.. and tha guns i pinched earlier! Worst Quality::nuffin.. cusz he's perfect... oh yeaah eat breakfast please! All Most the end!!!What time is it now?:7pm How long did it take you to take the survey?:iono.. do tha math bitch.. Was it Worth it?:i guess.. The EndTake this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-11-17 22:00:36 2005-11-18 03:00:36 open Private post 389478502 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:18:51 -04:00

You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block

While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's... You get the most dates of any girl you know It's your whole five star package that attracts men - Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Total Girlie GirlYou love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways. You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing.

How Girlie Are You?

o0o0ohh sexciiii!!!

Your Vibe is Super SexyYou feel 100% sexy at almost any moment And this inner sexiness really does boost your appeal You're confident, playful, and outgoing You know what you have to offer - and you're proud of it!

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

o0o0ohh.. tha heck!

Men See You As PlayfulMen want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate You know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guys You enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualities Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

How Do Men See You?

oohh.. chris look at this T_T

You are a Great GirlfriendWhen it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 37% PureYou're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

2005-11-17 19:36:47 2005-11-18 00:36:47 open Private post 389372164 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:18:37 -04:00

one.you.love with.somebody.else nuffin.you.can.do.about.it u.had.tha.chance u.turn.away gotta.take.it thou.it's.heartbreakin`

2005-11-15 19:53:36 2005-11-16 00:53:36 open Private post 388120657 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:18:20 -04:00

dang.. long weekend.. it suxx lykk BIG TIME! wut happend? nuffin! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! im so bored, lykk GYEAH... hrmm.. friday :: i jusz went to tha mall with unnie lucy <3 and David..<33 well.. issh fun lykk... haha, yeaah.. well.. wut did we do? hrmm.. lemme see.. okaii so first, i was late lykk.. cuszz lucy told me to be there lykk at 2:30pm i think and lykk.. im lykk okaii.. imma be there.. then.. lyk.. wutt happend is.. IONO! i wuszz late! 1 hour.. arrived there @ lykk 3:30 sumn.. sucka... hahahahaha.. well yeaah.. then, im lykk.. i told lucy if imma be late and lykk im still not there @ 3:20 ill give her an ice cream or whatever.. so yeah.. i gave her an ice cream, hee hee.. <3 so yeaah.. first i went to old navy to lykk.. fetch her.. and lykk.. yeah.. then called David to lykk.. check onhim.. if where is he @ tha mall.. and lykk.. he said.. he's sumwehurr.. i think he said he's eating.. or yeahh.. then im lykk.. OKAII/.. see you at AMERICAN EAGLE.. and he's lykk.. okaii.. so lucy and I went there.. to check on sum cute stuff.. and lykk.. yeaah.. im jammin btw.. i brought my ipod.. haha, cool cool.. then.. well wer checkin` on sum stuff and lykk.. i found this cute track JACKET.. woot woot.. i bought it.. lucy bought nuffin from aeo.. David came btw.. so yeaah.. we went outside.. and lykk.. lucy said we should go to uhh.... wet seal.. yeaah.. wet seal so we went there.. and lykk.. we went there.. buhh.. i wnna check those pink track JACKETS @ pac sun so i told her that imma go to PAC SUN.. and she's lykk.. okaii and im lykk.. cool.. hahahahhaa.. so yeaah.. then i brought david with me.. hee hee and lyk.. we went there. and omg.. i bought that jacket.. issh so cute! hahaha.. so yeaah.. so went to.. CLAIRE'S cusz we cant find lucy there.. (tried callin her, buhh.. no answer) so yeaah.. we found.. a cute stuffed patrick star! woot woot! nd omg CARE BEARS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! hee hee.. so yeaah.. well.. we didnt bought nething.. cuszz.z. iono.. well.. okaii so we went to wet seal agiin and yeaah we found her.. and lykk.. David kept laffin on them shoes.. hahaha.. iono why.. buhh., they look funny thou,, hahaha.. so yeaaah.. we sat.. then.. lyyk... iono.. we jusz.. uhh.. waited for lucy *wink hahahaha.. so... yeaaah.. we went to.. baskin i think.. oh no wiat.. we went to aeropostale first.. oo0o0ohh.. GOD.. i saw this cute track jacket.. and omg.. i bought it! uh huh.. hahaha! so yeaaah.. lucy bought nuffin and David bought sumn earlier.. so... yeaah,, then.. we went to baskin robbins to buy lucy's ice cream and i bought a smoothie too! my fave.. lykk ultimate fave! strawberry citrus.. hee hee.. and lykk.. yeaah.. then we went sumwhur.. cuszz David wansta buy a buy 1 take 1 drink.. oo0o0hh.. so yeaah.. he gave me tha other one.. uhh.. i think i picked.. citrus sumn.. and he got tha strawberry sumn.. my fave too! so yeaah.. and then lykk.. yeaah.. lucy left... and i jusz waited ferr my dad.. to pick me up.. o0o0hh.. they went to tha mall btw.. hahaha.. and lykk.. they shopped ferr sumn.. pssh.. dont care.. o0o0hh i ferrgot.. chris went sumwhurr too, thasz why.. sorri bout that hunn.. saturday :: hrmm.. wut happend.. is.. iono.. well jusz stayed here i guess.. and lykk.. chris asked me if.. lykk.. imm go to his place.. buh i said i cant... wer both bored! puhaaaa.. sucka.. well.. jusz download sum songs ferr muh ipod.. woot woot. issh cool.. issh cool.. so yeaaah.. thasz about it.. o0o0hh.. yeaah.. did a long celly marathon.. with chris.. sunday :: no idea.. well.. imma do sum werkk.. so yeaaah.. i guess imma go now.. puhaaa! PURDAYY_NENE

2005-11-13 17:36:55 2005-11-13 22:36:55 open Private post 386712514 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:18:05 -04:00

4:27 PM 11/4/05gosh.. bored.. got 2 hours left before muh flight to oakland.. so bored.. lykk gwoah.. pssh.. chris is not calling.. i called him lykk a while ago buh... dang.. oh well.. my dad is walking.. me dont care really.. hrmm.. i thought they got connection here.. buh dang.. no connections! lotsa lappietappie around buh.. dang.. no connections! puhaa.. so yeah.. so bored.. lykk.. omg yeah! cant think of nething to do.. i hope they got connection in oakland cusz omg.. imma be dead! or at least tha place is lykk around a starbucks thingy so yeah.. lalala.. so bored.. so bored... dang i repeated that lykk.. 20 times already.. puhaa.. jusz playien.. so yeah igtg.. imma read sumffin aite. byeeeee.. <312:55 PM 11/5/2005hihi.. well yeah so bored.. jusz chillin` hurr @ joseph's room.. dang.. lotsa awards!!! puhaa.. =] so,, yeah.. hrmm.. i called chris lykk a while ago, buh i guess he's sleeping or whatever.. haha.. well, jusz called muh mom and lykk.. i told her i sent sum greens.. 100.. haha.. yeah im sweet lykk that.. hrmm.. she said she'll be goin to s.o.p. [tv show] later.. pssh.. jellie jellie.. haha... buh yeah.. hrmm.. im plannin to buy an i-pod mini.. o0ohh.. chris is callin! so hold up haha.. =]2:07 PM 11/5/2005so yeah.. so bored!!! lykk blah blah blah.. im lookin ferr a song that'll suit what im feelin right now puhaa.. <3 i miss chris lykk so much now.. lykk i still got a day and a half before i giit to see him aggin.. oops.. wrong.. lykk 2 days still huhuhu.. i miss u chris! lykk so much!!! lykk xbijiliion!!! huhuhu.. so yeah.. iono what to do.. my dad went sumwhere.. and iono where to go.. well im a lil bit hungry buh i can survive hahaha.. buh i want to go to tha mall lykk waaaa.. i wnna go to tha mall now... !!! cusz i wnna buy my i-pod haha.. so yeah.. im bored.. 8:59 PM 11/5/2005sigh.. i miss chris lykk so much now.. agiin.. well.. wut happend is.. we went to my lolo [granpa] teddy's house.. and lykk chill there for a bit.. then my celly died before we went to pump it up.. its lykk a cool place for KIDS.. puhaa.. puhaa! for kids..! so yeah.. well i miss chris when i wusz there.. i cant go ne where.. my celly is dead.. so yeah.. jusz played puhaa! and lykk we're all filapinos there.. how cool is that? haha.. so yeah.. i saw this girl and her brother.. and omg i couldnt believe my eyes.. they are filapino and korean..! huaaat? haha.. yeah they are filapino and korean.. lykk gwhoa.. chris and i want to lyyk see this cross-breed for years.. puhaaa.. and muh tym came.. last night.. hahaa.. poor chris.. 12:05 PM 11/6/2005hi hi.. jusz woke up haha.. well yeah im hungry.. and lykk.. iono what to do.. they asked me if i want rice or palabok to eat for breakfast.. or .. lunch.. buh im lykk.. uhh.. palabok.. and they're lykk.. oh u dont want rice no more cusz yer a citizen now huh.. what tha heck is that.. puhaaaaaaaaa!puhaa.. so yeah.. so bored.. blah blah blah.. chris is church-ing right now.. i think he's playin tha piano.. puhaa.. thasz a good laugh on tuesday.. or later... puhaa! puhaa.. so yeah.. it's our first month anniversarayy and lykk.. last night.. we didnt sleep until 12mn.. hrmm.. yeah.. so.. we talked about random, buh cool stuff.. puhaa! issh so cool cusz we never talked lykk that.. for lykk.. ever! so yeah.. gtg.. 12:35 PM 11/6/2005hihi.. so yeah. i jusz ate.. palabok!!! woohoo.. and meat sumfn.. i think it's called pochero or cochero.. or whatever.. why do filapinos hafta name their viands hard.. haha.. buh wer kool lyk that hahaa.. so yeah.. i ate eggpie for dessert.. hrmm.. dont eat that thou buh.. oh well.. no rice. drink sprite. so yeah.. gtg... eat chocolate puhaa! 1:27 PM 11/6/2005so bored.. i think we be goin to tha mall later.. with auntie claire and auntie pam.. dang they're lykk a year older than me puhaa.. jp.. 3:00 PM 11/6/2005hi hi.. jusz got from tha restroom haha.. i took a bath sillii! so yeah.. imma call chris so hold up aite.. <34:03 PM 11/6/2005jus ate bibinka.. o0oh it's so cute.. issh so small haha! well yeah i guess u dunno wut a bibnka is.. iono howta make one so me cant tell you wut bibinka is made of..hungrayy.. jpjp.. jusz sitting here waiting for muh dad.. dang i think we'll be goin sumwhere @6pm.. i think we're eating sumwhere.. or wutever.. haha.. lalalalalalala.. im bored...5:26 PM 11/6/2005bored.. hee hee.. well be goin to tha dinner thingy now.. so yeah.. u noe wut, i jusz counted my money.. now... and omg.. issh $430!!! omg.. well yeah.. issh sapous ta be $550 buh i gave muh mom sum greens remember, lol, cusz issh her bdaii! woot woot.. =] so yeah.. im sweet lykk that.. well yeah tomaroe.. imma be goin home.. im plannin to buy an i-pod nano btw.. cusz yeah.. got lotsa money.. [basically cusz i went here..] lol.. aite gtg.. =]10:51 PM 11/6/2005hihi.. jusz got back from tha living room.. watched sumn while talking to muh chris hunnii.. hihi.. and omg u noe wut.. my uncle reggie gave me a hundred bucks.. hoohaa! w/c means i got lykk 500+ bucks now! woot woot.. yay.. hahaha.. so yeah.. imma go now.. cusz i need to go to bed cusz we be goin to tha hospital [for uncle gennie] then to tha airport tomaroe.. aite bye bye.. =]5:32 PM 11/7/2005hihi.. so yeah.. im now in tha plane.. dang gots nuaffin tah do so yeah.. jusz updating muh blog rara! so yeah.. playin a good, mushy song.. i bought chris and niko a stuffed beanie bear.. o0ohh i bought one too ferr myself.. yeah it's a pink bear, how cool is that, hee hee.. so yeah.. my mom called me earlier.. and she's lykk blah blah blah.. haha.. dang my mom is so cool.. hee hee.. aite laterz.. =]9:22 PM 11/7/2005well... jusz checked my myspace and yeah.. jusz wnna wrap this up.. =] aite buhbye <3

2005-11-08 00:24:00 2005-11-08 05:24:00 open Private post 383079028 traciouswink Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:17:51 -04:00

hi hi.. well im jusz bored. and still dont wnna do tha thing i hafta do.. haha i need to pack my bag cusz imma be goin to oakland tomaroe.. yepp yepp.. sigh* well yeah i miss chris lykk gwhoa.. well honestly.. jusz talk to him by our celly lykk 5 or 10 mins ago.. haha.. so0o0o.. hold up, imma play sumfn.. okaii so sum filapino song is playien.. o0oh, so mushy <3 jagiya........ sigh* so sleepy.. buh still hafta do tha packien.. suxx..... well hrmm.. wutsz new, wutsz new.. well.. yeah im a myspace whore now.. puhaa! im LiL MiSZ [myspace whore] puhaa! dang.. i wnna go sumwhurr.. buh time check :: 10.42pm puhaa! wut tha heck am i thinkien.. oh well, my dad is acting so ghetto now.. along with her "wifey".. pssh.. i dont really care, hoo haa.. <3 this s.o.n.g. is so mushy.. lykk, omg gyeah! <3 sigh* i miss chris.. huhuhu.. well i guess imma go now jusz wnna update muh xanga aite guys.. take care dont miss me that much aite=] love yah bunchieesz <3 x0x0 muaaah~ PURDAYY_NENE

2005-11-04 01:48:17 2005-11-04 06:48:17 open Private post 380470905

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